So I am divorced.

[lost18]

"GAL... My GAL is good. I'm going out, going skiing, going kayaking. Working out has suffered due to kayaking and skiing but it is still 2 to 3 times a week. At 32 my body is probably in the best shape it's ever been and my mind is sharp but cluttered with items related to her. I'm also making an effort to see my sisters kids more. I am their fun uncle. And more importantly, I'm a better dad. Capable of providing nurture, fun, imagination and discipline for my munchkins."

Love this, great job!

"The Clutter... The clutter for me is the things that are always on my mind. I enjoy sports like kayaking and skiing because they get me outside of my mind and into the moment. However my mind focuses on questions. Why are there so many things left unsaid? Why did she believe her premises? Why did I not see any of this sooner? Why did she believe it was not possible to reconcile? And millions more. My engineer brain also tries to rationalize/analyze all previous interactions and current interactions."

I'm sure we all do this...I know I do. 25 has talked about this quite a bit. I think you just need to make a conscious effort to limit the "why" thoughts. These are questions that may never get answered. I was listening to a podcast that addressed this. I wish I could remember exactly what it said but I'll try to summarize as best I can remember. Basically being stuck in the "why" questions leads to blame which leads to resentment (anger and other negative feelings) which isn't a good place to be. The best way to deal with these questions is to understand you have them and how limiting they can be but don't get stuck there. Instead, change the questions to "what can I do differently moving forward?"

Detaching is not easy that is for sure and if you're not comfortable doing lunch or coffee than don't force yourself into it. You can discuss co-parenting issues without doing that.