Maybe it's a guy thing. Maybe it's a LBS thing, IDK. You've joined the ranks of those who feel the inner pressure to "do" something..........anything.........just do!
I have to wonder if it is part of the desperation mode the LBH feels and subconsciously he's still trying to pull the rabbit out of bag. "Well, that last trick didn't work, so let me try another one".
Do yourself a big favor and take time to think it through. Yes, I was saying to do what you really want, and not for any other reason. We know the bottom line is you want to have a good M with your W. You wouldn't have come here if you didn't want that option above any others. Don't let anyone, including yourself, push you into taking a direction you aren't ready to take. By all means, do not head straight for D b/c that's "what she wants".
Well we've already established I'm a bit slow to up-take, lol! So thanks for being patient, I did get here, on my own albeit eventually!!
Part of my problem or the biggest part, is me! I feel exactly like this, I must do something! I must do something now! I'm uncomfortable and don't know the outcome, don't see the progress I want, I'm impatient, and it makes me seek to change and to control that unknown or make a plan to conquer it. Sometimes I get angry with her and think, the hell with it why keep hurting? Why keep trying? I don't have a timeline or a plan to a desired resolution so it makes me think, do something! It's just how I'm wired I suppose. And yes, it may play into desperation, but I can only imagine how desperate I will be when the clock begins ticking after any legal paperwork is filed.
I do not want divorce or separation, I want to be married to my wife in a good and loving relationship. Why should I be so speedy to give her what she thinks she sees as the remedy to all of this? When I do not agree, I certainly never gave in on even trivial things in our relationship before! Why should I allow it? Guilt, is all I got. I feel guilty because of some of the things she has said. I'm an evil, bad guy, who has cause her pain and suffering, and I should give her what she wants? Of course everyone I know thinks I'm nuts that I've not already filed since I discovered the affair. Even my therapist has told me, this is not a likely outcome, that I should file and move on to begin healing. My mother told me last night that I'm mourning the death of my M and I have to grieve the loss. I was like thanks Mom for the support! geesh!
Now all that said, I don't want to sit around pining for her return! I'm not doing that in the slightest, I'm getting out, taking care of myself, doing all the things I need to do to get myself better. Maybe just maybe in some more time, I can be the man that she is attracted to again? Maybe she will change her mind as she has a ga-jillion times in our M(real number look it up!) .
Signed, Perplexed Phunguy
Me 41 Wife 38 T20 M13 S8 D3 Bomb 1/26/15 A confirmed 2/19/15
