Thanks RD and Cadet. Your replies both helped me in different ways.
Cadet, just to clarify - although you can only file for a 'fault-free D' after 2 years, the bar for unreasonable behaviour is pretty low, so H may still choose to file. Reasons used can include - she was moody - he didn't want to go out much - she complained a lot and so on. Not saying that I 'was' these things, but these are the kids of things people say.
I'm glad you said about going dark or dim. I too am worried that H is still foggy and will try to come back in a week with a 'yes' or 'no.' And what will we do then? Your advice lifts the pressure somewhat and I realise we are a long way from reconciliation - which strangely helps me. I can let go a bit more and just carry on living my life, which feels safer right now for me.
Quietish day today - just working from home and will go to the parents this evening. Bookstore GAL tomorrow though!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'm glad you said about going dark or dim. I too am worried that H is still foggy and will try to come back in a week with a 'yes' or 'no.' And what will we do then? Your advice lifts the pressure somewhat and I realise we are a long way from reconciliation - which strangely helps me. I can let go a bit more and just carry on living my life, which feels safer right now for me.
Just a thought toots, but have you considered what you will do should your H not get back to you? I hope that's not the case but just in case.
BD - 30TH JAN 2015 S - 30TH JAN 2015 PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014) CONTINUAL TALK OF D ME: 31 W: 28 T: 10yrs M: 4.5yrs D:5, S:6
Hi Alpha. I'll probably just go dark for a little bit, as Cadet suggested. I think of the two of us, H is more keen to get 'sorted' with the house and so on. So doubtless he'll be in touch sooner rather than later.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
If it feels right to you then the email says that which you wanted say then irrespective it's right.
Remember
Just remember a 'maybe' is an options open, may need plan B choice for H. That is what I would do in his shoes.........
It will be alright in the end and if it is not alright then it is not the end and besides the fat lady has not sung yet. It is over when YOU say so. In the meanwhile can I encourage you to Ceroc........
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 03/17/1506:59 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Got myself updated on your sitch and I think it's so great all what is happening. Of course it's frightening, another turmoil to go through you want or not.
I have my fingers crossed for a chance that your H will at least start talking.
I am also amazed with your strength, every word I read feels like you are calm and in control of all your emotions. You are a model for me, being all over the place lately.
I hope your H can feel and see what we know, that you are a great woman, strong and smart. Keep going Toots, you are doing great and with patience you will be always in a better place.
I also agree that you may get a maybe or even no word for awhile, your H is still with a lot of doubts. He knows you got stronger and kept yourself out of his way. During this time, life did not get better, so he may think that his problems weren't exactly you, but maybe himself.
I would guess it takes time to figure that we are the one with the problem and it problem takes a lot of more time and courage to face this problems and be humble enough to admit you are wrong, so your H may have his brain boiling asking himself what direction to take.
You are a wise woman, give him time to digest his own crisis.
Keep strong Toots, you have a long way ahead of you.
