Have you met with an attorney yet throughout your sitch? I see where you say your wife hasn't mentioned D yet, but I also see where she's had (having?) an affair. If I were in a situation where my wife was wayward, and wanted to talk finances with me, I wouldn't do ANYTHING without first running it by my attorney.
And in fact, in my own sitch, that's exactly what I did do. As the Good Book says, "there is wisdom in many counselors."
