Confused 3

[Joe46]

Today I am going on a trip for work. It is just an over night trip, but I am excited!!:) I get a break from the house and the drama for one night. I need a break. I realized that last night as I was packing my bag. My youngest S was upset of course because he will miss his dad. But I see how my wife is dumping everything on my and only thinks about work right now. My D was upset because she needed help with a project and wife told her later everytime she asked. I helped her get it done last night just in time. S was behind on his homework from being home sick for a few days. It seems that the kids come home from school and she just lets them play games and do whatever instead of getting school things done. I have turned into Mr Mom. If I don't do it, than it doesn't get done. Dishes need done, laundry needs done so me and kids have cloths. But last night I just took a deep breath and helped both kids. I am keeping space between me and W. I talk with her about kids and that is about it. I am just doing my thing. It feels weird sometimes. Like this morning, I did not know if I should give her a hug goodbye or not. I decided against it for now. It is part of my detaching. I thought alot about what cat wrote to me and I am thankful for her seeing another perspective. Could very well be my wife's perspective! I am going to work hard on fixing these things for myself and whatever relationship that comes in the future. My wife or someone else. I am prepared to work on our marriage should my wife choose to. But not until the phone sex job changes and we figure out how to work on trust. I am with Sandi!! I have done things in our marriage that needs to change. But nothing that deserves the lying and infidelity. My wife's perspective on things I have done could be taken as emotional abuse to her. Which is what I need to acknowledge and take responsibility for. And I am. My perspective of her job is she is cheating with these phone calls. So I pray every night for God to help me forgive her. I pray for God to help me work on myself and change for me. I pray for answers. I pray for my wife and everything she is going through.