When I think back on the early communication between the two of them (around BD), there was definitely manipulation going on on both sides... I assume it's still going on, but can't be sure on OW's end because I can only hear what my W says when I overhear the Skype or phone calls... And I'm usually sound asleep when those are occurring... I only overhear stuff when something wakes me up in the early hours of the morning.
Most definitely the most influential person in my W's life right now is OW... But she's started having lunch with this odd friend that she used to work with -- and I saw some of their early text messages (after BD) and everything was very negative regarding me... very hurtful stuff... (Based on what I've read between them, this "friend" is a very gossipy, negative person so unlike W's other friends that I love.) Seems to fit with the pattern of becoming closer to friends who don't know the LBS very well so MLC'er can demonize the LBS to justify the bad behavior. W can't demonize me with her closest and oldest friends because they know me very well -- so she has been telling them a different story.
Anyway... Today is a new day... I had a very relaxing meditation/prayer time this morning -- I find myself waking up and really looking forward to that every day. Not sure how I've managed to live my adult life without that every morning!
Again -- no matter what, I will be okay and I am definitely on an important and beneficial journey that is helping shape me into a much better version of myself. Jer 1.0 was already a "catch" and a "keeper" -- Jer 2.0 will be impossible to resist to anyone who is alert and thinking rationally :-) (And I don't mean that just in terms of relationships/marriage... True for all relationships: with my kids, other family members, friends, and even colleagues and potential employers -- go back and read my posts about last week's job interview... That is my present and future.)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
In case you are interested, what happens down the line is that your W will then almost certainly criticise you for putting a wedge between her and your old friends (as if they had no mind of their own).
In case you are interested, what happens down the line is that your W will then almost certainly criticise you for putting a wedge between her and your old friends (as if they had no mind of their own).
It eventually goes pear shaped. Oh dear.
Lovely.
Of course, that wouldn't surprise me... easier to believe that than to believe that those friends and family members might be right in their opinion/assessment of the situation. Because to believe that the friends and family members are right would mean W would have to admit that her behavior is wrong... And we can't have that now can we?
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Bea is right - you will be criticised, possibly not only for 'putting a wedge', but perhaps even for 'poisoning' others towards your X.
Everything bad that happens to them is tied back to you and your evil ways.
Great to hear that you're seeing important changes in your relationships with others. There is s positive to this horrible thing that we've been put through and it's good to hear you expressing it so well.
I'm sure I will be blamed for all of it... Nothing would surprise me at this point... this is by far the craziest thing I've ever encountered in my entire life...
Definitely working hard to find the positive in all of this... and to create more positives within what I can control. That's all I can do, right :-) (Well, that and continue to pray for my W and the situation -- giving it all to God while I work on myself)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
W just got home with more craziness re: planning fall trip to visit OW -- telling me the dates as if it's no big deal and acting completely normal... I. just. can't.
Just reciting the serenity prayer repeatedly in my mind right now...
And reminding myself that I am not the crazy one in this situation.
(BTW - in my last post I said nothing surprises me at this point -- and this bit of craziness does not surprise me... It just baffles me that she can appear to be thinking so rationally, when she clearly is not, about a situation that is just completely insane. Oh and -- I found out that prescription she got from the doc was not ADs... So despite the fact that doc has heard from me (the spouse) and another family member that W is having MLC and has been depressed for some time, W must have completely denied it w/doc and refused ADs. Doc is too smart to have been fooled by W, but doc can't prescribe something if W won't take it.)
Serenity prayer...
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Having a "down" day today... Just feeling so frustrated with the entire situation... The unfairness of it all just makes me feel so defeated.
I know -- I know -- I am on my own journey and there are many ways for me to pull positives out of this horrible sitch... But right now I just feel so much anger because it just seems like nothing is standing in the way of my W and OW... It's as if everything is just going their way so perfectly and they are just so "in love" and happy -- at least from my vantage point -- and it just makes me so angry. Everything about their R is wrong, and so many people (many family members and friends) are being hurt and will be hurt by the actions they are taking... And I'm just having a day where all of this is bothering me so much...
If I didn't know any better, by observing how everything so far does seem to be working out so well for them, I'd be thinking that God or the universe has blessed their R and is protecting them... When it's our family that should be blessed and protected. Grrr....
I know I shouldn't let this bother me or anger me... And I am having more days where I can detach and just focus on me -- but today is not one of those days...
Just needed to vent.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
I am sorry your are having a difficult day. It is totally normal and understandable.
Remember, W will do what she does. That's her decision. I know it hurts. However, Jer can focus on Jer and the kids and make life really awesome. Yes, there will be hiccups along the way. Caca days. Days where you want to stick your head in the refrigerator door. Slam. Repeat. It's life.
You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the "whys?", "How could theys?", and the "Do they really thinks?'. Seriously. It's easier said than done but don't give yourself a migraine.
For some of these peeps, "true love" (ahem) blossoms in the most unconventional and mysterious ways. Life has a way of working out the way it should. I have had to fight the urge to "teach xh a lesson." And I am relieved to say that feeling has subsided substantially. As a matter of fact, I am at more of a place of "meh. It is what it is." And you know what? It is out of my control. I can only control moi.
Hang in there:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
