a young man with hope II

[lnlyshp]

Hello miman2 and FOOLISH. Thank you for reading my thread and for the support.

I guess I'm just writing tonight because I have no one to talk to. I'm lonely. Does anyone have any tips for coming out of the depression phase? I have been trying to eat better and exercise more - but have also started drinking to excess and gambling. Most of the day I just sit around thinking about how much I hate myself. It's not a PMA at all. I sometimes worry about myself.

I am nice to STBX, because she knows me best and I don't want her to worry about me. She texted me today to tell me she thinks she found a new car (her old SUV died recently). I realized it was the first time she's texted to talk to me about something other than S since she left in November. I responded in all positives - "that's good that you found a car!" and "happy for you! :)" etc. It's all I can do. We are going to a coparenting class on Friday. Asked her the other day if she would be willing to take S to the zoo for his birthday, just the three of us as a family but also explained it was okay if she was not comfortable with that. She seemed like it was okay. The other night - she had called me and told me how depressed she was because things were not going her way, that she had no friends and no money and no car and etc. I just tried to stay positive and make her laugh. I don't really know what to make of it. Just a moment of vulnerability maybe? Either way - I feel worse for her than I feel for myself. She doesn't deserve to feel sad or lonely. She deserves to be happy.

Tonight - I'm a bit drunk and generally just sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I wish I had friends that understood what I was going through. I am so thankful that I found this community when she left in November.

Everyone please be well. I know I've rambled quite a bit but I truly hope that nobody feels as low as I do right now.

-ship