I thought everything was okay....(Part 4)

[MCS]

TLEE,

As far as flirting, the self esteem boost is nice, but I think a good portion of it is just getting noticed and get the heart moving a little faster. It's so weird for me, because I see that I'm so comfortable with who I am (both before and now) that I really feel I dont 'need' the companionship, but am yearning for some of the other things that come with being in a R.

However, I can't shake this feeling to 'rescue' her though and I think, while its a good trait to have, something I need to work through. My IC kind of said something to this affect, but I don't know what it would look like with reducing that personality trait. A one night stand? A trophy GF? A casual friend w/ benefits? I see these things and they just don't seem appealing, I feel like I want a long term R right away, but is that the right thing? IDK, I think that's part of the reason that I'm a little scared to take that step of going beyond looks in a bar. Also, like I said, I'm still married.


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As far as what has made W come out of her shell a little, it's another thing I haven't put my finger on. I think it has more to do with OM and other people than it does with me. When I confronted her about OM, I know she was unsure about really what my intentions are. She then shut down when she outright lied to me (a couple times) and I called her on it. Recently, I'm not sure what had happened, maybe I stopped showing I wanted to work on the R? I'm really not sure and then this recent flare up was out of the blue again. She's been picking up and dropping off at the house since Oct., why now are we back to her not wanting to?

So reading about your W, I agree it does seem like you're plan B right now, but at least she's identified that she needs to work through things and then reassess. Not the light in the dark, but its better than my W who still thinks I'm causing her to be unhappy, somehow. I think for you, while being second must really stink, she's a) being honest with you, b) realizes she needs to do work on herself and c) isn't giving a ringing endorsement that her 'new' life is exactly what she wants.

I see our W's similar but different. For you, I think your W is trying to 'find' herself and see where she belongs. For me, I see that my W has years and years of issues that she's never really dealt with from her childhood that overcame her as she got to the point that a trigger got her to see something different.

For me, it's been an interesting week. I'm starting to have these thoughts in my head that maybe I don't want her back if this is how she actually is. Like I said, she's exhibited these traits in somewhat of a healthy balance throughout our M, and I'm not quite sure I could deal with anything like this in the future. I can say, I'm at the point that I about 90% realize there was nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening.