Claire learning to accept

[KGirl]

Re: having a clear conscience and trying everything you could - yeah, I get that. I wonder sometimes "maybe if I hadn't moved out? maybe if I had done X? or Y? or Z?" But honestly, when it comes down to it.. you can do EVERYTHING you can but it still takes the involvement of the other person and them wanting to be in the R for it to work out. You ultimately can't control what they decide or the choices they make. Heck, my STBX said "maybe we could have gone to counseling and made things work.. I don't know.. I just wasn't really interested in trying." Sometimes that's what it comes down to, as silly as it may seem to us or others.

Re: their view that we are unloveable and they can do better... I dunno, I feel like when someone's attitude or what they say off the bat is "I can do better" (meaning the WAS's right away, not us after we've been through this whole ordeal.. that's different)... I don't think it means what we're interpreting it to mean, and the fact that they are that cocky/presumptuous/whatever isn't going to bring the types of quality people to them that we'd like to have around us. Better for them may just mean someone that is more suited to them, not necessarily the quality that we're thinking. Several weeks before BD (at Thanksgiving!) my STBX said something rude to me and my in-laws said "you should really treat her nicely.. she puts up with a lot from you... you won't find anyone else who will do that" and he said, in front of me, "that's not true, I could definitely find someone else." What he really meant was not better in our sense of the concept, but someone who is more tolerant, less opinionated, and will go along with whatever he says and does. Oh, and is OK with him putting friends first. So forget about whether he'll find someone "better" or not or whether you will, but maybe think about it as a better "fit"?

I don't know as much about the lawyers vs. financial advisor, we didn't really need to do any of that, but maybe someone else has thoughts.. or, if YOU have thoughts (it sounds like you are thinking a financial advisor would be helpful?) now seems to be your chance to voice them. What have you got to lose at this point, besides the fact that NOT speaking up could result in you losing money, etc.?