Life 2.0 Pt 6

[NH115]

that evening she was warmer and more affectionate than she had been with me in weeks.

So why don't you call her out more often?

Yeah, it was the push-pull dynamic at work. I want to try that again

I understand what you are saying, but I don't think she'll see it the same way. You want to keep tight reigns on her so she won't date. She is giving heavy thinking time to dating. If you S, I think she will have to take that opportunity to play single.

I don't doubt the space would do both of you good. You smother each other to death! And, she's just as controlling as you are.......just in a different way.

The LBH wants to S to work on the M, but the WW wants to S to play single. Dating would be a risk factor, but on the other hand, it could prove to be a valuable learning experience for her. What I wonder is how much of all that thought time has she considered you would be dating also?

A couple of months ago I would have been more afraid of that. When she first mentioned an S back in December I had no doubt that she was trying to get me out of the way so she could at least communicate with OM. Now, I see that as a less likely scenario. But yes, she would certainly have the opportunity. I have far more faith in her ability to attract a man than she does.

I may sound as if I am trying to encourage you to S, but I am really just stating a few issues about it. Issues I think are closer to reality than you saying there would have to be boundaries of no dating. What would you do if she didn't honor your honor that boundary? Leave her?

Maybe. If we agreed on boundaries and she violated them, that would make things very clear on whether I could trust her or not. Not being able to trust her would be a deal breaker.

She is so consumed in her FEELINGS all the blessed time (which is what a WW does) that she doesn't consider your feelings near enough. Likewise about her thoughts on dating. You have been so attached and so pursuing trying to keep her in the M, until she doesn't worry about you wanting out of the M......and especially to date other women.

I think part of the control, on your part, is not going out to GAL. You want to be sure you are there every evening to keep things secured. She manipulates you by playing the "abandonment" card. Until this cycle is broken, how can it ever hope to change?

Before deciding to S, I wish you would really start detaching and GAL. If she wants to sit at home and accuse you of abandoning her, let her. It seems to be more of a selfish problem rather than fear of being alone, IMHO.

I'm not going to mention S again for a while. It's something I'm considering, but I want to see where we are a month from now. There's no doubt I feel manipulated a lot by her. When she's in a bad emotional state, she cares about nothing but herself. I'm not there every evening, but I am more than I should. Now that she at least seems to be more engaged in working on our M, I'm not sure how detached to be. I see the point in making her at least consider that I have other options.