I thought everything was okay....(Part 4)

[TLEE86]

Anyway I hate to sound this way, but it 'feels' like even after 6 months of her leaving, I'm still the closest person to her emotionally. That's scary, but also I think the reason she doesn't want to be around me. She wants to tuck this all away. That's her prerogative, except when it comes to the kids. I would be lying if I said that I don't worry about the kids when their with her. It got better for a while, but I see the same things from earlier on in the sitch starting to pop back up.

This is the same as when I confronted about OM and instead of me getting peeved; gave her the steps to get out of it. She started to, my W started to emerge and then something happened (addiction kicked back in?!?) that made her shut down again.

Oh man brother can I identify with you. Its just so strange how we THINK that they are coming back to be the person we knew, and all of a sudden something triggers them to duck and hide and all of a sudden theire back in their hole scared again and lost in the fog. I really don't know what to say about it, other than ask yourself, what did you do to make her "emerge" again, what were you doing or not doing to make W seem like she's herself again? This is something that I ask myself constantly. Problem is, I cant identify one specific thing, so its a build up of things that you MCS changed to make W notice. Not one single act. So again, what exactly did you do?

Actually, to wander my thoughts a little. This is one way I gained some compassion for the sitch my W is in. Bad decisions aside; if she was feeling how I'm feeling right now and this OM entered her life and everything seemed to 'click' and also make her feel better about herself; I could see that she could convince herself that this is the path she 'should' be on. She did tell me when she was leaving that "He's giving her the strength to do this" so something like that had to be going through her mind. IDK, it's the toughest thing to separate the voice we want to hear with the voice that we need to hear.

Yea, I hear you man. This is what they do, its nothing new, but it continues to surprise us. My W told me today that she needs to "exhaust all options" to "make it on her own" before she can "swallow her pride" and come back this way. I don't even know how to take that besides Im still plan B and she's stuck on the path she's on. Point I'm trying to make is, OM coupled with how WAWs are already thinking, give them the strength and the "determination?" to convince themselves that this is whast best. We have both noticed that our WAWs are unhealthy, mentally, physically etc. But yet they continue to do this because they THINK this is right. We just have to let them run their coufrse, and again, ask ourselves, what are we doing that is responding well to them?

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Mozza, thank you for your post- its completely true. As T2 once told me, and alot of you, i put W on a pedestal because she is the way she is, and I truly don't believe i can do better. But I have to understand, I think we all do, that like you said, this same person that is on a pedestal, is the one causing all this hurt. So do they really deserve to be up there right now? I think we know the answer....

As far as experimenting/fliritng, i think its normal and quite honestly, we need a self esteem boost because we are all crushed right now. idk if thats the right mind set but i think its necessary...

MCS? What do you think?