that evening she was warmer and more affectionate than she had been with me in weeks.
So why don't you call her out more often?
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She brought up the trial S on Sunday morning, after we had a particularly bad Saturday night. It wasn't mentioned in the midst of anger or spew; her thought was that we're too much in each other's faces. She's having a hard time working through everything with me constantly there and her constantly tempted to come to me with her problems.
The trial S would have boundaries; no playing single. We'd still consider ourselves married; we'd still go to counseling and date each other, and have a family dinner once a week. Between those times I'd stay pretty busy and dark.
I understand what you are saying, but I don't think she'll see it the same way. You want to keep tight reigns on her so she won't date. She is giving heavy thinking time to dating. If you S, I think she will have to take that opportunity to play single.
I don't doubt the space would do both of you good. You smother each other to death! And, she's just as controlling as you are.......just in a different way.
The LBH wants to S to work on the M, but the WW wants to S to play single. Dating would be a risk factor, but on the other hand, it could prove to be a valuable learning experience for her. What I wonder is how much of all that thought time has she considered you would be dating also?
I may sound as if I am trying to encourage you to S, but I am really just stating a few issues about it. Issues I think are closer to reality than you saying there would have to be boundaries of no dating. What would you do if she didn't honor your honor that boundary? Leave her?
She is so consumed in her FEELINGS all the blessed time (which is what a WW does) that she doesn't consider your feelings near enough. Likewise about her thoughts on dating. You have been so attached and so pursuing trying to keep her in the M, until she doesn't worry about you wanting out of the M......and especially to date other women.
I think part of the control, on your part, is not going out to GAL. You want to be sure you are there every evening to keep things secured. She manipulates you by playing the "abandonment" card. Until this cycle is broken, how can it ever hope to change?
Before deciding to S, I wish you would really start detaching and GAL. If she wants to sit at home and accuse you of abandoning her, let her. It seems to be more of a selfish problem rather than fear of being alone, IMHO.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
