Apologies another problem withosting. Z this doesn't track very well so for ease am reposting.

I understand this, and this is only one of the choices. There is a journey ahead of you Z. A journey to find Z. In this type of relationship then there have always been great alone periods, the cycle of abuse will indicate those periods of isolation.

That I would rather feel this heartache week in and week out from some source I can't pinpoint than be an individual alone in the world again, without the idea of marriage or family 'secured.'

In truth we are all alone throughout life but we need not be lonely. Abuse isolates and in my case has made me lonely even though I am supposedly in an R. I have decided that I am better off being free of abuse, I am lonely in this R anyway so actually I prefer to be alone instead and free of abuse. H has attempted to isolate me anyway (without success).

This feels to me like trying to 'love' the abuse out of the abuser.

V

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW