Life 2.0 Pt 6

[NH115]

We're 3 months since NC and 6 months since BD. Yep, we're too far in. I think she's sticking to her word on NC, but his little jaunts to our fair city are not helping.

Yeah, I can't take that dating shtick anymore. I'll allow some verbal diarrhea but that little theme has gone on too long. My basic message to her on that has been, if you want to start treating me like your husband, I'm here, but otherwise we don't have much to discuss.

She brought up the trial S on Sunday morning, after we had a particularly bad Saturday night. It wasn't mentioned in the midst of anger or spew; her thought was that we're too much in each other's faces. She's having a hard time working through everything with me constantly there and her constantly tempted to come to me with her problems.

I tend to agree. Saturday night was yet another demonstration that I'm having a problem still with detaching. Two months ago I would have fought her tooth and nail, but I'm considering it now. She's not the only one who needs some clarity.

The trial S would have boundaries; no playing single. We'd still consider ourselves married; we'd still go to counseling and date each other, and have a family dinner once a week. Between those times I'd stay pretty busy and dark.

She's very open about not wanting to be alone; she just doesn't feel that connection she craves with me. It's interesting that after I demonstrated open-mindedness about a trial S she suddenly became so affectionate.

One thing I haven't brought up yet is how I envision our relationship post-D, if it comes to that. I'd never be mean or cruel to her, but aside from necessary communication about our Ds I'd pretty much be out of her life. That's not out of anger, it's for my sanity. I don't want to waste time with a woman who doesn't want me, and I don't want the torture of seeing her build a life with someone else. I'm not interested in being platonic friends with her. I don't know if she really understands that.