Don't see how I can win this.

[Mozza]

How is it possible to go through life with someone and watch the love turn to hate. How on earth is that possible? I am grappling with the fine points of that situation that we all are facing.

You're not the only newcomer to ask this question, yet it puzzles me. How else should it be? All couples struggle. My W once told me that she hated me as much as she loved me, way before DB (I should have taken this as a red flag, but I thought I was immune to D. sigh). She said that her friend felt the same about her H. I've been very angry at my W, this person whom I loved head over heels and was perfect from head to toe when I first kissed her.

I really don't understand your puzzlement. Surely you understand that spouses get on each others' nerves, right? The kids, work, the indignities of life. You want to walk fast and she's tired. No one is wrong, yet there is a conflict. Repeat 48 times a day in a M. Then add children. I mean, of course we end up hating each other! So why is it that some couples stay together while others split up. That's like predicting the weather: the system is too complex for a simple explanation. In our cases, the OP added to the volatile mix. There can be a big fight. A song. Go figure. You might want to read about masters and disasters for a few clues about what makes good couples work.

But once the WAW realize that she can leave all this mess behind, all that is wrong about the M comes to the surface. It's normal. You would do exactly the same if you were to leave a M. And don't think you're above that because I believe all of us might do it given the right circumstances.

It would really, really help you to develop empathy for your WAW. You just realized that she experiences a liberation. Duh. Her OW is the source of joy in her life and you're the source of trouble. She's new, you're old. You're not on an even playing field now, not until some time passes (see my previous message). Find ways to put yourself in her shoes, such as thinking back about how you felt when you first met her for instance. The elation of infatuation. This is what she's experimenting right now. Let it play out.