Awwww.....thanks, guys, for remembering about The Conversation today. Last night I was talking to a friend of mine who was M and D within a couple of years in his 20s, no kids. He asked why I was willing to drag things out 6 more months, why not just take the legal plunge and get it over with? He couldn't understand how entwined my life is with H's, how six months is not very long to untangle 27 years of life together. I'd prefer the time to make it a gentler process, not that it will be fun no matter how it plays out, but there's no need to deliberately make it hard if we don't have to. I just have no idea what H will say. My intention is to ask some questions that are important to me, listen to see what H has to say, and then ask for what I want.
My GAL has been rocking for sure. Blues Fest Thursday, ghost hunting Friday, movie Saturday, all with new friends. Yesterday was church and a special reception honoring my years of ministry at the church, it was lovely. It was a low key afternoon and dinner with D17. Tonight I have Heat tickets.
I'll pop in this afternoon and give a rundown of the lunch conversation.
I really was being honesty earlier in my answer to bdub:
Originally Posted By: rppfl
The kiss was easy. He's the only guy I've been with for 27 years, it's all I know.
It was flattering. A sexy guy wanted to kiss me.
There was a slight bit of a power rush, I could have allowed the kiss or denied it, my choice. I could have had more, I turned it down.
I did not feel any hope or expectation, it doesn't change anything.
Let me take a short commercial break......
OK, I'm back from my break. And I stand by what I told bdub earlier. I meant it. But here's the thing. That was my reaction at the time, with my wine-soaked heart.
I can analyze all that in the light of day and come up with additional observations:
Yes, it was easy, but there are other experiences to be had out there. Choosing easy and comfortable is a big factor in finding myself where I am right now.
Yes, H is sexy, but he hasn't treated me like a wife in about a decade.
Yes, there was a power rush, but won't that be true of any guy who decides to kiss me in the future?
And there's still no hope or expectation, because one isolated anniversary kiss still doesn't mean squat. H doesn't live with me, and he doesn't want to live with me.
Last week when I went sailing I met a guy that was interesting. I've talked to him a couple of times since. And if it was him that kissed me instead of H, the only thing missing would be the easy. I could substitute exciting instead. And this guy hasn't treated me poorly for a lot of years.
Sorting through feelings is a good thing. How many of us get into Rs or R difficulties based on misplaced feelings or not knowing the difference between love and lust? Or love and safe? Or love and fun?
Have you ever felt safe expressing anger to your H? About anything?
Good luck in the discussion today. I think Betsey's suggestion was very good. I know you decided to go a different direction but maybe in the future you'll feel more able to call the shots for your life.
(( ))
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Good luck today RPP. Regardless of what comes from the discussion you will handle it well. Whatever the outcome of your DBing efforts, you have become a better person.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Well, conversation box checked. He opened up ever so slightly, and I do mean ever so slightly, but enough for me to get a sense that he's really happy with the S. He's not the miserable guy I read about in everyone else's threads, he's pretty content. And I've expressed here that I'm pretty content, too, so we agreed to continue things for another six months with some very minor modifications. I did make it clear that I intended to date. Whether I will or not is a different story, but I just wanted to have that out of the way and not feel like I owed H an explanation if I decided to.
Originally Posted By: labug
I think Betsey's suggestion was very good. I know you decided to go a different direction but maybe in the future you'll feel more able to call the shots for your life.
Labug, I don't really feel like I went a different route. Bets said I should express what I want, and I did. I just listened first. And what I heard didn't change what I wanted.
I'm glad we had the conversation, I'm glad it's over, I'm glad we aren't rushing into anything. As time goes on I'm growing more and more distant from him, and I do think there's a point where we will both want to do something different, but for now I'm grateful we are on the same page. Six more months.
Originally Posted By: labug
Have you ever felt safe expressing anger to your H? About anything?
No. H was the one who used anger to control my emotions. RPP expresses herself, H yells, RPP shuts down. Rinse and repeat for weeks, months, years, until RPP explodes. Not a productive expression of anger on my behalf.
Hi Rppfl. I'm glad it's over and you decided to stay as is. I would be careful about what you sense and rely more on what you see. Was the dating thing to see a reaction or was it genuine ? Anyway. I'm glad you got through it. Take care. Rd
RD, the dating thing was genuine. I've been feeling like I wanted to for a while now. If I was going for a reaction, it would have been in vain anyway, H said he assumed I already was. He assumes a lot of things about me that aren't true these days.
Blues Fest Thursday, ghost hunting Friday, movie Saturday, all with new friends. Yesterday was church and a special reception honoring my years of ministry at the church, it was lovely. It was a low key afternoon and dinner with D17. Tonight I have Heat tickets.