Jer - it isn't necessarily an obvious scam, but many of those who hook in MLCers make a lot of money out of it. The OW I mentioned in my earlier email got a lot of money and a house . . . . And it wasn't an on-line pick either.
My xh's first OW did very very well out of my xh in spite of him assuring me that she wasn't at all materialistic (unlike little old bourgeois me, ha ha)
Can not lie I thought the same too ... or at least to a point she is just playing along with the fantasy to get her kicks.
Or... maybe not originally a scam, but definitely playing along to take advantage of the sitch in order to get the green card and eventually citizenship. Like -- perhaps that wasn't her intention to begin with, but once the ball started rolling she saw the opportunity and is pursing it since the opportunity is there.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Can not lie I thought the same too ... or at least to a point she is just playing along with the fantasy to get her kicks.
Or... maybe not originally a scam, but definitely playing along to take advantage of the sitch in order to get the green card and eventually citizenship. Like -- perhaps that wasn't her intention to begin with, but once the ball started rolling she saw the opportunity and is pursing it since the opportunity is there.
The red flag is that "Saving myself for marriage thing" ... I mean its not the 1800's and in your case its a same sex deal ya know?? .. just struck me as seriously odd. Your W has blinders on and is in full mode fantasy ville. Just things I would watch .. guard you and yours is all you can do ... I laugh at trying to talk to them logically, but the more I learn of the MLC and all that comes with it the more you can see how easily manipulated they can be.
Even if it is a scam, W in MLC-mode would never listen to my concerns anyway (since I'm the cause of her unhappiness and the enemy, right?)... So if it is a scam, then there is nothing I can do about it except let her believe what she wants to believe about OW and learn this lesson the hard way.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
The red flag is that "Saving myself for marriage thing" ... I mean its not the 1800's and in your case its a same sex deal ya know?? .. just struck me as seriously odd.
Yes -- but she goes to a VERY conservative church and everyone there "saves" themselves for marriage... At least according to OW... Again, could all be part of the act/scam if it is a scam...
But I'm with you on the weirdness of that... C'mon, it's 2015...
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Unfortunately, I'm the only one who knows most of the full story of all of this -- I don't think W is telling the whole story to her friends and family as she slowly starts telling people about OW... And she won't take any advice on this sitch from me, so the only people she might listen to don't know enough to be throwing up those warning flags about a possible scam.
And if those people have been told the whole story and haven't thrown up warning flags (and only given her their blessing), then they are not the kind of friends I thought she had in her life.
Definitely making me happy right now that we've kept our finances separate. If this is a scam it's going to be a very painful experience for her, but I can't do anything about it. This falls into that "not my circus, not my monkeys" category I think :-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
she won't take any advice on this sitch from me, so the only people she might listen to don't know enough to be throwing up those warning flags about a possible scam.
That is becoming painfully clear... except the OW/OM... they will listen to the OW/OM -- even if OW/OM doesn't have enough life experience to being giving out advice!
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Yup. In my experience, the OW has the only influence over the spouse. And it is with very selfish intentions. And the spouse is like a puppet, yet a master manipulator, too. They control each other in a sick way. Very unhealthy.
I think maybe that's why they don't listen to anyone else. Because they are so involved in toxicity that they want nothing to do with reality.
Mighty was the one I thought of when it comes to manipulation of a MLC'r ... I was pretty detached or in the dark with my W's A and the OM, so I have no idea really .. but I do know she did things she would NEVER have done normally .. OM or MLC .. both? ... who knows.
