Masterpiece - a little more progress...

[Jer2911]

Jer ... just got caught up ... ughhh what a kick in the gut.

Ya know reading about your sitch ... like I mentioned before I think the fact OW is not local, not present with a good percentage of your W in MLC mode makes the A just take longer, when one or the other is upset they can easily avoid ... regroup and come back as a fresh ray of sunshine. I am not sure what happened to OM in my sitch .. but I would guess he couldn't hang with all the crazy my W can pack into her purse.

Yep -- unfortunately, you are right... it just allows this to drag out longer because they don't have to deal with each other in day-to-day reality. As I write that I think -- go ahead, move here and get married to my W... then let me count the days it takes for you to run crying back to your family and friends in your home country! There is no way a 25 yr old with no relationship experience is going to have the relationship skills to deal with or put up with a 45 yr old in the middle of an MLC... and a 45 yr old with lots of baggage, existing demons/issues that she won't deal with (hence the MLC), and an existing family of 3 kids and an ex who is MUCH more mature (and loved by W's family) :-)

The other thing ... Ok .. OW younger, not completely knowing who she is, your W seemingly trying to say all the things to get her to do as she wants ... lets get married ... thats just a way for her to get OW to loosen up ... I mean come on we can have sex because we are going to get married ... there is just so much on the surface that is working against this R ... breathe, you are handling this remarkably ... I would have flipped to be honest, but there is a good side of believe nothing of what they say and only half of what they do, she is in La-La land and its all just fantasy talk. Hang in there ... its a long crappy ride .... focus on where YOU will be and WHO you want to become ... do not allow this to define you, you are to good for that.

I never thought about it like that but you hit on something that I think could be so true... And, very much like my W... I love her dearly, but she is very skilled at doing and saying things to get people to do what she wants... She is VERY charming (she reeled me in that way) and is very skilled at saying the right things to relieve one's fears and concerns... She did so much of that when we met and started dating -- it moved very quickly despite my concerns... She does have a ton of great qualities -- I wouldn't have fallen in love with her and stayed with her for 10 years (and still love her) if that weren't true... But she does have the ability and skills to do exactly what you are describing. In fact, based on the conversation I overheard on Friday morning, I almost think she could be using some reverse psychology on OW to do exactly what you are thinking -- get OW to give in before marriage... Wow... As manipulative as all that sounds, I almost hope it's the truth so I don't have to stomach the two of them actually getting married. That thought makes me more ill than the thought of them having sex.

Thanks for the words of support and confidence... I had a really good IC session today focused on me and my journey... And like you've said -- out of these bad situations can come some good... Like me being on an important journey that I now see is necessary for me to be able to deal in a very mature way with everything that will be thrown at me in the last half of my life. I am in the process of developing the strength, skills, and faith that I will need going forward as my kids get older (and become teens -- eek!) and as my parents become older... Not to mention my own aging :-) I was not focused on the need to develop that kind of maturity or those skills or that level of faith before BD, but now I see clearly what I need to be doing to become that person -- and it's happening slowly, but surely as I go through all of this.

Also had another wonderfully serendipitous moment this morning where it was clear that God is with me in this and that I am more connected to Him now that I have ever been in my life... And that is such a good thing. Won't go into details, but will say that it led me to stop by the bookstore today where I stumbled across a book that had something in it that I NEEDED to read today which immediately prompted me to purchase a study bible that I can now use to mark up scripture passages that speak to me through all of this and going forward. I did not go into the bookstore looking for the book that had a short chapter that spoke me, nor did I go in the bookstore with the thought of buying a bible -- but it all happened and afterwards I felt so certain that it was all supposed to happen just that way.

He is working in my life... I just need to continue striving to "let go and let God" and "be still" so He can continue working in my life :-)