I did end up having to cut off the conversation a couple of times. Ironically, I'm the person she instinctively wants to go to when she's upset.
The boundary for me gets hit when she starts talking about her feelings for OM or, as what happened this weekend, she starts openly worrying about her dating prospects. She's sitting there telling her husband that she's worried about being too old (at 43!) and too busy to meet someone!
The two times that happened this weekend, I shut the conversation down. Saturday night was a knock down drag out argument; it got so heated that the next morning she floated the idea of a trial separation, something I'm considering. Sunday was far calmer and more respectful, at least until she started worrying about her dating prospects. At that point I told her (kept it calm) that when she did that it was completely disrespectful and we needed to stop talking before things got out of hand. I do recall telling her that if she wanted to be single again I'd respect her decision, but it also meant that I wouldn't give a flip about her man troubles. Fortunately I was already on my way to meet a student so I could remove myself from the situation without it seeming that I was abandoning. W seemed to respond well; that evening she was warmer and more affectionate than she had been with me in weeks.
In MC today the therapist did tell her that it was normal for her to feel her panic, confusion and hopelessness while she's grieving. She related it (I thought this was brilliant) to when my W's father died. After the initial shock, my W would seemingly do OK and then crash for no particular reason. That seemed to resonate with her.
We have discussed W meeting with the therapist alone, but neither one of us remembered to mention it in session.
Last edited by Rzrback; 03/16/1509:28 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
