So say in practical terms, if one of my boundaries is that I cannot participate in an open marriage, how would I do the right thing with respect to that boundary being steamrolled everyday?
The way I see it is whenever you make this statement to a woman who is wayward, you had better be sitting on ready. It is not a threat to her. You can't control her. So what does that leave? You have to be the one to remove yourself from the open M, if you can't tolerate it. She obviously can live in an open M.
I am not saying anything is wrong with this boundary. I am saying that sometimes men read it here as an example on the board and think, "Yeah, that's what I'll tell her! She'll get her act together then." Not true.
You are telling her what YOU can't tolerate, not what she has to do. That is her decision to make. If she does nothing about it (as in ending her A), you then assume she is fine living in an open M and you plan to to leave.....or ask her to leave (which again, you can't make her do). If you use her refusal to leave as your excuse for remaining with her.....you have lost your standing. I have seen men do that here on the board, and if they knew how weak it looked in the eyes of the WW, they would never have made that statement in the first place!
Be careful, Bing. You are still trying to use something to snap her out of her waywardness. You will end up cutting off your nose to spite your face, if you aren't careful. You always follow through when you lay a boundary. Otherwise, what good does it serve?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
