Zelda - I want it all, all right now.

[Zelda09]

V - you are right on so many levels. Yes, I am the assertive strong one in our R, and I was emotionally flooding all over the place for years.

But, I have ceased criticizing. I have ceased having expectations or pushing him. Communication has appeared to improve. The truth is I am feeling bullied, emotionally, physically, psychologically.

I feel like I am in denial. There was a period, here on this forum, where I wrote that I felt like the fog was lifting, and I was happy and free. Now the fog is back and I want to tell myself why everything is normal and ok.

The truth is I am scared to be without him and alone again. That is the stupid ugly truth. That I would rather feel this heartache week in and week out from some source I can't pinpoint than be an individual alone in the world again, without the idea of marriage or family 'secured.'

I thank you for the energy you are putting into your responses. I am flat out panicking at the choices I feel I am looking at in what to do here - none of them seem good.