As I mentioned earlier, I have consistently worked on improviding myelf and my relationship to others. I have gone to counseling, support groups, church prayer groups everything that comes across my path I am open to. I have done this to become a better person and not to give in to my pessimision which I know I am prone to. I am not ashamed to admit this and have admitted it freely to others in my life.
I get zero credit for doing all of these things which I guess is not why I do them, I do them for me but still it stings.
Upon reflection, it seems that I have had the responsibilities of keepin the family afloat financially and as a unit. I know it takes two to make a marriage and it feels that no matter how hard I try, it just does not work.
That leads me to detachment. I am working to detach, detach myelf from keeping us together, detach from wondering about other moves made by people, detachment from what others may thing of me. Detachment feels like no control, that I have let go of the rudder, and yes, dropped the rope which I have not fully done. It is a strange feeling and frankly one that I don't see any results from but further isolation and yes despair. Detachment not consists of not talking, no texting, no communication (except fo the mediation sheet we are working on).
So, dear friends. We carry on and hope the winds of change take us to where we want and need to be.
