RPP: Best Year Ever (18)

[labug]

I really was being honesty earlier in my answer to bdub:

The kiss was easy. He's the only guy I've been with for 27 years, it's all I know.

It was flattering. A sexy guy wanted to kiss me.

There was a slight bit of a power rush, I could have allowed the kiss or denied it, my choice. I could have had more, I turned it down.

I did not feel any hope or expectation, it doesn't change anything.

Let me take a short commercial break......

OK, I'm back from my break. And I stand by what I told bdub earlier. I meant it. But here's the thing. That was my reaction at the time, with my wine-soaked heart.

I can analyze all that in the light of day and come up with additional observations:

Yes, it was easy, but there are other experiences to be had out there. Choosing easy and comfortable is a big factor in finding myself where I am right now.

Yes, H is sexy, but he hasn't treated me like a wife in about a decade.

Yes, there was a power rush, but won't that be true of any guy who decides to kiss me in the future?

And there's still no hope or expectation, because one isolated anniversary kiss still doesn't mean squat. H doesn't live with me, and he doesn't want to live with me.

Last week when I went sailing I met a guy that was interesting. I've talked to him a couple of times since. And if it was him that kissed me instead of H, the only thing missing would be the easy. I could substitute exciting instead. And this guy hasn't treated me poorly for a lot of years.

Sorting through feelings is a good thing. How many of us get into Rs or R difficulties based on misplaced feelings or not knowing the difference between love and lust? Or love and safe? Or love and fun?

Have you ever felt safe expressing anger to your H? About anything?

Good luck in the discussion today. I think Betsey's suggestion was very good. I know you decided to go a different direction but maybe in the future you'll feel more able to call the shots for your life.

(( ))