Thanks RD and Cadet. Your replies both helped me in different ways.

Cadet, just to clarify - although you can only file for a 'fault-free D' after 2 years, the bar for unreasonable behaviour is pretty low, so H may still choose to file. Reasons used can include - she was moody - he didn't want to go out much - she complained a lot and so on. Not saying that I 'was' these things, but these are the kids of things people say.

I'm glad you said about going dark or dim. I too am worried that H is still foggy and will try to come back in a week with a 'yes' or 'no.' And what will we do then? Your advice lifts the pressure somewhat and I realise we are a long way from reconciliation - which strangely helps me. I can let go a bit more and just carry on living my life, which feels safer right now for me.

Quietish day today - just working from home and will go to the parents this evening. Bookstore GAL tomorrow though!

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus