Part 16 - edz, just edz

[edz]

Its really hard going today, havent done the morning exercises yet though (WFH and stacked on calls since 7) will take a timeout shortly.

Not reporting on w since nothing changing and I dont know and cant control what shes up to anyway (more for me to say that out loud than for the posting).

Definite backslide in emotions this last few weeks. I think its because I saw signs of her wanting to talk. Even said this to her the last time we did discuss things. I said Im not going to keep pushing but you said to me (in tears) you really wanted to sit and talk with me, that was 3 weeks ago and I cant believe she cant find time anywhere to get an hour or two to sit down. She now tells me this is because of all the stuff in her head with work and eveything else.

I can only respond with that's fine, let me know when you're ready as Im not about to pressure her further but it just feels more and more like she knows the outcome of that conversation and wants to hang onto friends as long as possible.

Could all be wrong of course, its based on bits she's said and we know contradictory states and how accurate they are. But its also based on what I know she's also said to other friends.

This will all pass, I know that, I know by weeks end I'll be in a different mental space and even if w is the same I will be more positive (I hope) or at least more informed than at the begining.

I'm just feeling so very low right now though. Out this evening to see whats happening with the local entertainment group (cinema and media fans) see if that makes any difference.

Just want to stop feeling like this right now.