Mozza (10) + Links to success stories

[Mozza]

I don't always know what to write in my thread because things are so quiet with WAW. It seems like I should be reporting on our interactions, but then I remember this this should be about how I'm moving on and saving myself. So, here goes.

Thank you so much to all of you who take the time to share your thoughts. I hope that others benefit from the conversation, much like I do when I read your threads.

Heart14 | Thanks for sharing your insights on how to cope with the fear of a cheating spouse. It's still hard for me to believe that I'll be just fine if it happens again. I seem to need more reassurance that it won't happen. At the same time, I have realized that no one is safe from cheating, not even all of us here that might be cheaters under the right set of circumstances, as impossible as it is to consider right now.

Train | Absolutely! I'd love to hear your "ramblings". I find your experience very relatable and I like to read you.

MCS | Thanks for sharing your experience. I'd say that my WAW has the same instinct to be looking for the next thing and it's interesting to think of it as a form of cheating. On that not, I would consider kissing someone else while drunk a very minor kind of cheating, certainly not ground for S. Another reason for the flirting experiment is that I'd like to play down sex. It's so sacred and unattainable to me, yet I realize that there's a whole world out there that is more casual about it and I've a thing or two to learn from them.
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IC Report | I bought a book along the lines of what we hear here and in NMMNG and with my IC. The translation of the title would be "Stop being nice, be real" (it's not the one you'll find under this English title). What strikes me is that the same message is repeated across many places. It's like I stumble upon a universal truth (IC agrees): find out who you are and be true to it. Good things will happen to you. The book gave me a realization: it's not really about knowing exactly who you are, wht you need and desire (it's impossible), but seeking to know it (IC agrees). I thought I had to know it real soon, but it seems like I've already achieved my goal by asking the question.

Flirting report | No real life experience to report. It's been weeks and it concerns me that I'm no longer getting over my fears of approaching women. On the other hand, I was recently recommended (by a 21 yo guy!) to read "Models" by Mark Manson which is about attracting women through honesty. It's not one of those books with ready-made pickup lines. It seems to be a mix between these books about discovering yourself and books about approaching women. I've read one chapter and it looks promising.

Detachment Report | My IC observed that many things that I do are still done with my WAW in mind. I hate to admit it, but it's true. I'm always aware of when I do something that might get to her. I know I shouldn't and I'm getting better at it. She posted twice on her blog and it came through me through channels that I had set up years ago to monitor blogs. Each time, I removed my subscription to her blog, so I should no longer see them. I did read the posts (nothing too personal, more about her readings) and I did learn that she's now using a night light and is double checking the locks because she's anxious. (stinking thinking alert!) It seems like her OM is not really providing the sense of security that I was giving her.

GAL Report | Hm, not enough to report. I only went out for dinners alone all three days and today (Sunday), I went for a bit of late afternoon shopping. My plans for snowboarding feel through at the last minute. I had a difficult moment Saturday night where I could see in a mirror my reflection alone at a table in the restaurant. I don't mind being alone, but I mind being without WAW under these circumstances. The me I'm used to would be at a table with W and two kids, not alone. After that, I cancelled my plans to go for a drink and came back home to cry...

PMA Report | Not so good, but not all that bad. It was not a fun week-end, but it wasn't a depressed one either. After six months, things are not as painful as they used to be in the weeks following BD.