Don't see how I can win this.

[Mozza]

It is very hard to get motivated while the kids are not with me. It is hard to get out of bed, hard to get the house cleaned up, hard to wash laundry, hard to go to the store...

Same here. Even though I have more time on my hands, I accomplish less during my week alone. The kids bring structure to my week, something that my family as a whole was also providing until BD. Alone, it seems like my worst tendencies are allowed to surface and I don't accomplish much. I don't know what to do about it exactly, but I know it helps when I enlist other people, such as inviting people over or meeting them elsewhere. It gives me the structure that I lack.

Hi F., I am interested to see why you invited another woman out on a date? You are married, you are not available, and it seems like you are not in a healthy point of your life.

I know you weren't really on a date but out with a friend, but I want to comment on dating because I have a different perspective from Wet's and it might give you some perspective. In a case like yours where your WAW is clearly dating another person and going full romantic with her, I think your obligation to be faithful to your M is lessened. The M contract was broken months ago and I see little if any gain for you of abiding by it while your WAW has moved on. I'm not telling you to date, I'm just giving you another perspective for when you're ready to consider going on a date. Some vets were dating during their sitch, like Starsky309.

Went to the mall today and picked up some new clothes, something I had not done in a long time. I wanted to look spiffy and improved and to start living for me again. It felt good.

Excellent. I did a lot of clothes shopping in the weeks after my WAW left and it felt good. I still reap the benefits when I dress well on any given day.

This week starts my divorce care support group. I am interested to see how that goes. I also start my exercise regimin since i don't have the kids with me.

Please report on this as I'm curious to know what happens there and what you get out of it.

Maybe getting better a little bit at a time but sometimes its hard to see it.

Time is on our side, do you see it? The limerence of our WAS will wear off because it always does, so this frustrating impression that they experience a special kind of love will dissipate. Because they are humans, they will gain a little distance and realize that this new person has quirks and issues. They'll realize they were a little over the top in the feelings. They will because we all do and we, ourselves, did it in the past when we feel madly in love. Do you remember that?

Also, our situation will improve because we gain some distance from BD every day. Someone who has been D'ed for 10 years is usually over it and happy in their new life. This is where we are heading, if we don't reconcile. Happiness is assuredly in your future, do you see that? (and if we do R, it won't be all roses and rainbows anyway)

The improvement is not linear, but do keep in mind that it's moving in the right direction. OK?

Perhaps you have noticed that my posts are frequent and don't go into much depth about anything much except minor things, what I am doing, what I am reading, house tasks, etc...

These are excellent posts, about you.

I have no idea how long this misery will go on. It feels like forever and a day. It is really painful and the more I detach, it seems the better things get for everyone else. It's like I don't exist anymore? Does anyone else feel that way?

By giving free rein to my WAW, I not only do the right thing, I'm removing myself from the situation, I renounce any responsibility in my WAW's happiness or misfortune. She will not be able to blame it on me, like she did at BD, so she will have to confront the fact that I'm not the (sole) source of unhappiness in her life. I also expect that she will gain respect for me for the way I handle myself with dignity during this difficult period. (I'm also awfully afraid she'll think it means I didn't love her that much and that I don't mind the S, but the vets are repeating to me that it can't be the case, so i roll with it.)

If you weren't doing this, how would you re-attract your WAW? You realize that she'll have to come back out of love and respect, right? It concerns me a little about the way that you approached your relationship before BD that you seem to think that being angry and a nuisance to people is a good way to keep them in the fold.

I hope your week will be better, thanks to the structure your work brings to your life. Consider inviting people over for dinner; I know it helps me.