Devotion To A Dream

[phunguy]

I went for a nice run before church this morning. It seems to be my favorite thing lately. W came to church with the kids and I. After we went to IHOP. This playing nice house is so weird. There's this awkward tension that is not acknowledged but there. Odd glances, darting eyes, occasional compliments about "good daddy" "nice daddy". I just don't understand.

I just have PMA with the kids sort of ignoring her. She was odd today but seems sad this evening so far, blurting out from time to time about her job and stress. She slept a good part of the afternoon till about 5pm. I played with D3 after her nap. S8 played outside w th friends, I'm glad he had some free time today to just be a boy. As usual in cooked a nice dinner and did dishes. She will give kids bath, almost like our normal Sunday schedule.

I am really struggling with the reality of what seems inevitable. I never saw my life going in this direction. The powerlessness and seeming lack of control I have in going forward in D is scary. I don't like it, the feeling the thought, it just seems like failure to me and I cannot accept failure. I really need to work on acceptance this week.