I thought everything was okay....(Part 4)

[MCS]

Oh, one more thing. I think its weird that a lot of people, LBH in particular, are trying to flirt or get attention of women. Im not sure if thats good or bad...i find myself wanting that lately too..just like ANY WOMAN...FLIRT WITH ME, MAKE ME FEEL WANTED...but then I realize...youre not my W..and I go sob in the truck =(

What do you think...should we even be entertaining the idea of flirting? Even if its just for fun? Isn't that how it all starts??? idk MCS...i really don't know.

So, I'm gonna have a three-peat of religious posts.

I'm still married, she's still my W. She won't say that, but its how I feel. I still don't know how to 'divorce' in my head my covenant, except for aligning it with 'legal' divorce.

So, when it comes to flirting; I pretty much am just experimenting. I said that I could have walked up to that girl, but I know that I wouldn't.

As I go through this, I see it like when I removed my ring. I experimented one weekend and was a mess. I was reacting to a blow-up from her, was mad, etc. About 4 weeks later, one day I slipped it off; put it on my dresser and went forward with my day. I was initially forcing it and then without even realizing it, I was ready just a little bit later.

This is where I see that if we 'feel' we are forcing something. We probably are (except GAL) and shouldn't be doing it. It will take some practice and as long as we are looking 'up' when we have questions; He doesn't always answer right away, but he'll give us what we need, when we need it.

For me, I see that with whatever the next R would be (wife or not,) if I actively try to pursue it; I'm probably not going to get what I need. But I have faith that whatever I'm meant to do will be put in my path at the right time and right circumstance.

Actually, to wander my thoughts a little. This is one way I gained some compassion for the sitch my W is in. Bad decisions aside; if she was feeling how I'm feeling right now and this OM entered her life and everything seemed to 'click' and also make her feel better about herself; I could see that she could convince herself that this is the path she 'should' be on. She did tell me when she was leaving that "He's giving her the strength to do this" so something like that had to be going through her mind. IDK, it's the toughest thing to separate the voice we want to hear with the voice that we need to hear.

I do feel ya, when you are saying about getting some attention. I caught myself a few weeks ago feeling just that way....everyone was being 'evaluated' in my mind. Like most things, for me it seems to have died down a bit. Most people I talk about my sitch to are women, so that helps a little. However, there's 'other' things that I desire.......but yeah..... That's where the paragraphs above come into play. I'll know when I'm ready for that. For me, I just try joking about it right now with my close friends.