Part 16 - edz, just edz

[edz]

Occurred to me the planned call to w this morning didn't happen. Did try but s kept saying no, and then hair washing and a lot of other bits got in the way. Did say to w sorry was the plan. Didn't tell her s wasn't really bothered about it as I'll be the bad guy either way and she's already worried about losing him.

A lot easier when it was breakfast in bed.

I imagine I'm in the bad books regardless despite asking did w want s today, w seems to be continuing request by hint and I'm still failing at it. I just can't help feeling w is done, just doesn't want to alienate s. I know I know beong paranoid but even w says I know her better than she does and I keep getting this feeling, not to mention other information tells me she's keeping me in the dark.

Very very low tonight. I really don't know what to do apart from go dark and since that's apparently all w wants its not much of an action.

Yes I'll keep working on myself, even go in the motions of gal but unless I walk away not going to change much soon.

Sigh..