Masterpiece - a little more progress...

[LoisB]

Jer,

Our BD happened as we reached 20 years of marriage. I had, previously, fantasies of renewing our vows in our backyard.

It seems the more I turn to God and prayer in this situation, the more my W and OW seem to move towards each other... And while I do feel God is working inside of me and helping me become the person I need to be, I can't help but wonder why I also have to keep enduring so much pain... Just when I think things can't get any worse, I learn something new and it just feels like the knife gets turned and twisted even deeper than it was before.

Sounds like you are realizing how...the stronger and more YOU become on this journey, the less you have in common with your spouse. I think that's very normal.

Just remember, nothing you do or don't do will impact what happens on her journey.

You could win the lottery, have plastic surgery to make you look like the most beautiful woman in the world and your partner would still make these hurtful choices. Not something you can control. I'm sorry, I know it hurts.

Don't confuse turning to God and becoming who you are intended to be...as some cause and effect with losing your spouse.

Sadly, your spouse is light years behind you right now in terms of maturity. You are viewing the situation as an adult and she is not. She is unable to view the world as a grown up right now.

You can't hold yourself in a holding pattern because she is in crisis. You and your children deserve better.

If she wakes up, she will have the choice to grow and catch up...or not. Still, not under your control. You can only be YOU. :-)

Imagine she has some been infected with some sort of bug. Until it works its way through her system, she is not going to be herself. It could take years...it probably will. It just is.

Bad things happen to families. It doesn't mean your life is over. It just means things are different than you planned. Use this time to focus on you and make yourself everything God intended.