Alpha and WAW - part 2

[alpha99]

I don't think there is going to be any sort of progress in terms of moving things forward whilst W has visions of a trouble free life in her new place. Knowing her as I do, I would give it two months tops before she is in some sort of financial mess. Only when things go wrong and her bubble gets burst do I feel things might change. Who knows how I'll feel if and when that point arrives. I do feel my love for her slowly draining over time...that does sadden me. Maybe that is because of how she is behaving right now. Maybe things would change again should she change her behaviour. I don't say that as me waiting for her to change. I am changing myself FOR MYSELF and I like the person I am becoming, more outgoing and confident, doing new things and rediscovering old ones. I just don't know at the moment if I would even want her back in the future the way things stand. As ever, this might be my emotions speaking - hence writing this here rather than speaking to her about them.

I do love my children and want them to have a happy family environment but it has dawned on me how things could never be how they were before. I see my children changing in such a short time. I love them so much.

I'm at the hospital now. After this morning I'm being a lot nicer and pleasant to to W. She is not really reciprocating. I don't expect her to, to be honest. She is being quite cold with me, not really speaking much, only being cordial when the nurses are around.

I have been reading a lot of Sandi's posts today, particularly those about LBS and how to deal with WW who is having/has had an affair. Her approach seems to be quite tough on WW, let her feel loss, detach, don't celebrate occasions, cut out acts of service, work on yourself. I have to wait at the moment because when my son is not well (hopefully he's discharged in a few hours) I can't go making big changes. I do plan on being cordial, upbeat, and positive around her as per LRT, I just wonder whether I need to cut back in other areas.

I'm writing this in stages throughout hospital visit. W varying in her responses to me, one moment kinda pleasant, the next nasty. A few minutes ago she was sat with her back to me and S. I noticed she was eating and looked across to see what. She saw me looking and blew her top, resulting in her saying she doesn't have to justify what she eats to me. I literally didn't say anything but she's certain I looked at her like scum. DB coach reckons it might be self recrimination on W's part. Who knows?

I've been testing the water by randoming allowing my text notification to go off whilst I'm here. W has noticed, not said anything but is clearly wondering who it is. She tried to glance at my I don't really get many texts from friends etc and she knows family is at work hahaha. International man of mystery I am. Each time it goes off I'm adding a sentence to this post.