Trying to Follow DB & DR

[sandi2]

Yeah that makes sense. I guess what I was trying to say is I felt the books kinda leave out how to make the transition from LRT into reconciliation. It felt like there's two separate modes in the books. One the spouse in question is still around and you can DB/DR everything or Two they're not around and you LRT. So the question I guess I had was does LRT generally just lead straight into reconciliation when the spouse is really ready to make a commitment to the M?

Okay let's slow down some. You are seeking how to get from LRT into reconciliation and I have doubts you even understand about detaching........which is the first thing you need to learn. You want to bypass all of this and get a quick formula that goes straight into reconciliation. You are a long, long way from reconciliation! And if you don't get this part right, you may never have the opportunity to reconcile.

As I understand it detaching is following your 37 rules more or less, right? No "pursuit" behavior

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No. Take time to really read Cadet's link on detaching.

Also what comes after the "Really!" part? that didn't make a whole lot of sense.

I guess you did not notice the entire sentence within the quotation marks. I gave you an example of how to answer her..........if she ever says she misses you.

So the question I guess I had was does LRT generally just lead straight into reconciliation when the spouse is really ready to make a commitment to the M?

It's not that simple, or quick. I don't think you are getting it.

So there seems to be very little chance of her feeling guilty or like she made the wrong decision.

You may be right, but that's something you can't control. Besides, a lot more is involved than her feelings of guilt and making a wrong decision.

A door was open very wide to encourage this type of behavior. There are consequences for engaging in that lifestyle, it is very risky. It makes no difference that swingers claim to have rules/boundaries. So does marriage, but you both dishonored it and now you areseparated and in terrible pain, and look where she is. If she has decided she wants to remain in a "plural" R, you have the option of getting a D or waiting to see if she ever changes her mind. However, let me add this, if she has a falling out with that couple, it doesn't mean your M is fixed. She may never settle for a monogamous R again. Would you take her back if she wanted to continue swinging......after this experience? Well, that is your decision. I am not here to preach, I'm just saying you have to look at how unwise choices affect people. If neither of you learn from this experience, it will be even more tragic.

I encourage you to take this time to think about what you really want in your life.