Need Help!!!

[PatientMan]

I understand this is beyond difficult - it is absolutely life shattering and there is nothing anyone can do to help.

Except you.

The first step is to intellectually accept that what you are doing is not only not helping your situation, your actions are not benign, but are actually HURTING your chances of reconciling at some point in the future. Understand that in your head first.

Then accept that you are going to have to lead with your brain for a while and not let your heart take over. I'm not saying to ignore your feelings, as working through them is part of this process. But another big part of this process is learning how to do what you know is right no matter how you FEEL in any given moment. It is an exercise in self-control and it is imperative you master it through diligent practice.

The next step, the step that must be implemented as quickly as possible (if only for your own sanity), is to start to live your day in light of those 37 rules. Start judging what you do, what you plan to do, what you plan to text or email back, or what you will say on the phone or in person...start measuring all of that against those rules. Make those rules a habit!

Church is a great idea and I wholly recommend it! Many times I would go, feeling how you feel, and would sit through a sermon that I swear was written just for me. I abhorred the idea of discussing my marital situation with people at church, with friends, family, or coworkers. It brought (unnecessary) anxiety to my life until I learned a few lessons along the way. I get it - I do! Go anyway!

It's also great that you are working out and staying in such great shape! What does your routine look like? How is your eating?

I know this is all tough. There are so many emotions and thoughts going on simultaneously, at such high speeds, and with such constancy that it can drive a man crazy! I have been there. I have made the same mistakes too. You can do this! And you will be proud that you did.

-PM