[susana4]

Ok, I've calmed down a little bit from my initial anger. See, this is why we are not supposed to act on initial anger, I guess! lol. Sorry for my ranting posts, I wanted to get the anger out.

I am not so angry now, but I am a little disappointed. After thinking about it more, I totally get why he feels he ought to spend Mother's Day there. Especially since all his brothers are younger and still live at home, and he'd be the only one not there.

BUT I do still find it disrespectful he didn't apologise for bailing on our plans.

Don't over think it. The only thing for you to decide is what YOU need in a marriage, and how soon you need them from him.

Starsky

^^The thing is, right now I can't ask him to meet my needs, can I? So I'm not sure what to do.

I've realised I'm reacting in much the same way I did when we were first dating. (Not saying we are dating, but I guess I mean the uncertainty) I would feel really sure he was "into" me when we were together, and confident he liked me. But as soon as we were apart, the doubts would creep in and then I'd take any and everything to mean he wasn't. I don't know if this is a normal pattern, and I don't know how to break it but I feel like I need to.

I've decided:
I will go out this afternoon as planned for a coffee and shopping.
I will make my nachos
I probably won't go out this evening because I shouldn't go out *just to spite him* and not be here when he gets back.
I will however be mysterious and perhaps let him believe I've been out
I will greet him in a positive way when he gets home (one problem we had was that when I was angry about him coming home late I would be very standoffish and angry and I've tried to correct this with 180s)
I will let him take the lead on talking

I am tempted to say the following to him (after I've greeted him positively and we've maybe had some conversation) but I don't know if this is a bad idea:
"Thanks for letting me know you were staying down there, and I totally appreciate you wanted to stay for Mother's Day. But when you didn't apologise for bailing on our plans for tonight, or tell me when you want your birthday dinner, it made me feel like you didn't respect my time or plans and I was hurt."