Yesterday went POORLY. I couldn't look at him or talk to him. He kept sitting next to me and it made me sick to be near him. I am SO disgusted with him.
I know I have to live through my anger. It's one of the unavoidable stages of grief. But I'd like to navigate it more gracefully so that everything else in my life is easier. It was hard to recover from being around him so much. I'd like to be more impervious to his presence. I'd like to get to acceptance and meh. I'm tired of him having this power over my emotions. Time to take it back.
There is a book on the NYTimes bestseller about Decluttering your home. It says to only keep the things that give you joy. Like Edith Wharton's criteria of having in your home only those things you feel to be beautiful or know to be useful. My mission for the next six weeks is to apply those standards to my home systematically. So when I move into my new home I can take only those things that make my home feel tranquil and welcoming, and as little as possible of what makes me feel overwhelmed. And as I do that physical exercise I'll try it emotionally as well. I need to live MY life, not a crippled version of our old life.
Wishing you all peace, hugs, and smiles on this almost-spring Sunday.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
