Alpha and WAW - part 2

[alpha99]

In hospital now. W trying to initiate small conversation. We have slightly argued over money she owes me. She asked if I could take D to school tomorrow. I said yes but its costing me quite a bit in petrol. She complained that S is in hospital and I shouldn't be asking. I said I only mentioned it cos she brought up lift to school. She said I was being horrible in asking for money. I said she had made no attempt in weeks to pay me what she owes.

I am so confused. Been sat here for over an hour with W now in hospital. She wants to chat and be 'nice' but clearly isn't ready to talk about R. I know I need to give her time but it's so hard when you are near each other. Her final comment was she would pay me the money tomorrow and then she wouldn't owe me anything any more.

S was nearly sick earlier but now has settled. This is such a hard day. Does w mean everything she says? I guess not. Will she ever change her mind? Who knows? I can only wait and see. That is the hardest thing. If I didn't see her so often it wouldn't be so difficult to detach, seeing her in these circumstances only makes thing worse.

...

Ok, back from hospital now. Overall impression, things didn't go too well but on the other hand I set in motion some 180s and set some boundaries.

To this point W must sense I have been 'hanging on'. For all my changes I've backslid the odd time and that seems to have left her thinking she is in control. Well, at the hospital earlier she asked to switch seats so she was nearer to son. I said no. She was only about 2ft away from him anyway. She said I was being horrible. To this point I have either dragged my feet or got upset over house sale and splitting possessions. Today, in a moment of irritation, I told her I was there to see my son and not to speak to her, and in a calm way I said 'I don't care now anyway, you can go to hell'. I said I was switching off the gas and electric for the house, and the water too. She seemed shocked by this latter thing.

What brought about me saying these things? Her acting like I'm some distant relative who gets to find things out at some later date. She didn't contact me all evening to say son was in hospital, only 7am this morning. In hospital she's acting like only she cares about son, knows what's wrong with him, and i should be grateful see even contacted me at all. She said she could have made me wait til visiting hours to go and see him.

Well, detaching just got a lot easier. She's acting like a self centred little kid, and honestly, right now I eouldnt want to be with her. She's not the woman I marries and fell in love with.

I'm thinking of telling her I'm moving on and won't be waiting around moping and pining for her. What do you think? It would be a massive 180, a little risky too I know. I feel as long as she thinks Im just holding out for her then she's in.control. I think full LRT mode is in order. Pick up/drop kids off at the door, have fun out with them a few evenings a week. Be upbeat and positive when I see her. Don't initiate conversation but be neigjbourly and do speak to her if she speaks to me. Act as if I'm getting on with my life, which to a fair degree I am. Dont inform her of what Im up to in my free time. Be mysterious. Leave hee to.imagine. wait and see what happens.