Also a little annoying because tomorrow I'd said I'd make nachos and we could watch the F1 race together but now I don't know when he'll be home or if he still wants dinner and that will impact my plans!
So don't let it impact your plans, do those things regardless if hes there or not. If he shows up he does, if not just enjoy those nachos
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Hi Susana - sorry to hear that. But, best thing to do?
Reply back - breezy...Thanks for the update - have a good time!
And think to yourself - Ooh, some girly time I just gained. What lovely things shall I do?
Also, read your post from the DB coach too. That was very encouraging - and there will always be little setbacks. Best not to make them any bigger than they are...
Hope you enjoy whatever you end up doing. And thanks for your kind comments on my thread today :-)
This. ^^^. It's the rubber band again. Remember when I told you to anticipate these?
Hi Susana - sorry to hear that. But, best thing to do?
Reply back - breezy...Thanks for the update - have a good time!
And think to yourself - Ooh, some girly time I just gained. What lovely things shall I do?
Also, read your post from the DB coach too. That was very encouraging - and there will always be little setbacks. Best not to make them any bigger than they are...
Hope you enjoy whatever you end up doing. And thanks for your kind comments on my thread today :-)
This. ^^^. It's the rubber band again. Remember when I told you to anticipate these?
Starsky
Ohhh, THIS is the rubber band? It's just a lot bigger than I thought it would be, I thought the rubber band would be him -- sitting in front of the TV not talking, or him going round a friends house to play video games or have a drink.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Hi Susana - sorry to hear that. But, best thing to do?
Reply back - breezy...Thanks for the update - have a good time!
And think to yourself - Ooh, some girly time I just gained. What lovely things shall I do?
Also, read your post from the DB coach too. That was very encouraging - and there will always be little setbacks. Best not to make them any bigger than they are...
Hope you enjoy whatever you end up doing. And thanks for your kind comments on my thread today :-)
This. ^^^. It's the rubber band again. Remember when I told you to anticipate these?
Starsky
Ohhh, THIS is the rubber band? It's just a lot bigger than I thought it would be, I thought the rubber band would be him -- sitting in front of the TV not talking, or him going round a friends house to play video games or have a drink.
The thing that confuses me though is that he wasn't distant at all yesterday morning before he left to go down and meet his parents. In fact, he was the opposite. When I went in the other room, he was calling out after me within 60 seconds and asking me to come back and have a chat with him.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Hi Toots - you are right, thanks. I am really good at overanalysing!
As my DB coach said to me the other day about overanalysing - "It's a great skill to have, being able to analyse. But IF you are feeling happy and it makes you start to feel down and blue, you are going too far. It's not working, and you need to stop."
I was going to go to a yoga class this morning but I'm still a bit sore from belly dancing yesterday so I think I will re-plan my day. Will probably go for a coffee and then maybe do some shoe shopping, now that spring seems to be on its way (well, it's cloudy today but I can hope, right?) I need to get some sandals.
Hope you have a nice day too T x
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Ok I think I get it (but maybe I'm totally off base here). (Sorry T, swear I wasn't overanalysing, I was actually thinking about something completely different in the shower and then this thought came to me)
Is the rubber band thing about assuring himself he still has the "freedom"? Like, he gets a bit closer...and then needs to prove to himself he still has the freedom to go off and do something on his own...
I find myself often looking at rental listings online after he's gotten closer to me, and imagining my life without him and moving to live near the sea. Just to remind myself that I will do great without him.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
The rubber band is about DISTANCE, not DEMEANOR. The man pulls away after physical and/or emotional closeness. He may do it in a brooding way (moping quietly in front of the TV) or in an upbeat way (cheerfully going off on a trip with his friends).
Don't over think it. The only thing for you to decide is what YOU need in a marriage, and how soon you need them from him.
Well, I need more than this, clearly. I need more QT together. I don't think he ever really "got" that.
I replied to his text last night (which said he wasn't sure if he'd watch the F1 with his dad but he did still want nachos for dinner): Ok cool, maybe we could watch the nascar then if you do. I was actually kind of looking forward to it! The Nascar’s on at 7:30. We saw the movie x+y, it was really good up until the ending which they ruined by making it a bit naff. Did you have a nice time in Brighton? Were there churros? 😉
^^When I say I was looking forward to it, I meant the racing. He is into racing, I'm not, and one of the things we discussed post BD was that he never watched racing since he was with me, because somehow he thought it would annoy me. But I would have actually loved to share something he loved with him, and so I was looking forward to watching it together tonight.
He just texted me this: Haha! You were looking forward to it! now I am actually back I feel I should hang around with parents for Mother's Day. Pain in the arse really. I think I will have dinner at my mums before I come up. Glad the film was pretty good. I did not have churros
Do I reply? Don't feel like I need to, there's no question. But I don't know if I'm just not replying out of anger.
It makes sense he feels he should be there for Mother's Day. But I am upset he's bailing on our plans for later. I also offered him on Friday to make him dinner for his birthday next week, and asked him what day he wanted it. He was excited and really wanted it, but he still hasn't told me when. Friday he just said yes and he'd tell me a day, Saturday I asked and he said he was too tired/hungover to remember his schedule and he'd let me know.
I just feel like he is disrespectful of my time. This is bringing up a lot of issues from our M - I always felt like he resented putting me first. And I've always felt like he was disrespectful of my time/my plans. We had a lot of arguments around him going to his parents for the weekend - he told me after BD he felt like I didn't want him to spend time with his family. That is not true, but it's just typical that he will change around his plans with them and disregard plans with me.
I don't know if I'm being oversensitive. My friends have told me they wouldn't care. I guess it just makes me feel disrespected for some reason, and I need to work out why, and if that's something I can change, or if it's something I can't take from him/in our M.
Last edited by susana4; 03/15/1501:34 PM.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
