Alpha and WAW - part 2

[alpha99]

Excellent advice Vapo. I know you're right. I have been following what you've written to a T I think with only one backslide...as far as I can see anyway.

I have started wearing smarter clothes (jeans, shirt, jacket, tie, new shoes), different deodorant, New aftershave, bodywash etc, I now have glasses, and also had teeth fixed, cleaned, and whitened. In the last week I've been to the gym 4 times, a day out with kids to the fair, a restaurant with kids, played poker, played golf, and gone to a language exchange. I don't think I've called W all week. I understand what you are saying and even despite the friendlier atmosphere with W I am still holding back, being cautious.

Does anyone else have an opinion on my message above?

[alpha99]

I've been throwing up all night. Had dodgy food and so I think it's food poisoning.

W has called three times already this morning. I answered the third call.

She asked how I was. I said I am ill.

It turns out my son is also ill and has been up all night too.

W wanted me to mind daughter, take her to ballet.

Obviously I can't cos I'm ill.

Daughter will miss ballet and go with W and son to docs.

W was pleasant on the phone, apologised for calling early, said she hopes I feel better soon.

That's brightened my day.

Now I'm off to throw up again...

[alpha99]

I've had a terrible day today through illness. W called earlier asking again about school photos. Since I was in pain I wasn't 'so' friendly and upbeat on the phone. W was a little short with me due to this. No biggy, I can't be upbeat and friendly the very moment I'm throwing up. As soon as I feel better I will go back to 'upbeat, friendly guy!'

[Complex]

Hope you'll get better soon alpha.
It sounds like you are also taking good care of yourself which is great. You're allowed to be ill lol. You'll be great again after!
Thanks for your replies in my thread. I really need those posituve words today. For crap like this my meds are not strong enough^^

I went to the Korean Spa. Sauna, TV, eating and hanging out. But I have no clue what to do with myself the rest of the day...

[twinmom]

What is her obsession with these pictures? Pick a dang picture and be done with it...... if someone bothered me about pictures when they knew I was sick I would be very irritated with them.

And THIS is why you let it go to voicemail most of the time.....

[alpha99]

Complex, do you belong to a gym? I've found going there a lot recently has definitely helped.

Twinmom, I have been ignoring her calls. As I said, I answered at the third time of asking. Once I knew son was ill I had to answer when she called a little later. I can't tell whether she is just finding excuses to call me now or whether she just wants things sorted when it suits her. I think it is mainly the latter but since I have stepped back a lot I don't really know.

I texted her yesterday afternoon asking 'how is S6? Is he felling better?

She called back 30 minutes later and was pleasant as she explained what's up eith him. She said she'd call later on to give me an update but never did. She was meant to be at work last night but I wonder whether or not she went with son being ill. Previously we would never have dreamt.of going to work when kids were so ill. If she has left S6 in care of her parents then that would be disappointing.

I feel quite a bit better now. It's nearly 7am here now. I've been dripping in.sweat all night though.

Today is Mother's Day. I had bought cards from children for W. After reading through some of Sandi's old posts it seems the advice is to ignore all occasions. Therefore, having been ill and not really have been in touch much last few days, I don't plan on.contacting W at all today and WON'T be giving her Mother's Day cards. If she calls me, I'll keep conversation strictly to children.

What do you think of that?

[alpha99]

W has just called.

Son is in hospital. She thinks it is his appendix. I suddenly feel so low. She says she'll let me know in an hour or two if I can come up and see him. Apparently there's only room for one person.

I wonder how to handle this. I can see myself getting emotional at the hospital.

[alpha99]

Just to add to that, she said on the phone I appear a lot brighter. I do feel better from my illness today. She also complained I didn't call or text to see how son was. I said I did text, she called back and then said she'd call later on...but didn't. I also said I've been ill too. She sounded a little disgruntled at this and also said I sound a little off with her on the phone. I said I'm worried about son.

Oh how I hate this. My son is in hospital and I can't be there. W doesn't update me and I get the blame. Some days are really hard. I can't get emotional to W today. How do I remained detached from W when son is laying in hospital?

[Sotto]

Hi Alpha, so sorry to hear S isn't well. Sounds like he's in the best place though. Try not to worry about your relationship today. Just focus on S, and getting through this, whilst supporting your W....(())

[alpha99]

In hospital now. W trying to initiate small conversation. We have slightly argued over money she owes me. She asked if I could take D to school tomorrow. I said yes but its costing me quite a bit in petrol. She complained that S is in hospital and I shouldn't be asking. I said I only mentioned it cos she brought up lift to school. She said I was being horrible in asking for money. I said she had made no attempt in weeks to pay me what she owes.

I am so confused. Been sat here for over an hour with W now in hospital. She wants to chat and be 'nice' but clearly isn't ready to talk about R. I know I need to give her time but it's so hard when you are near each other. Her final comment was she would pay me the money tomorrow and then she wouldn't owe me anything any more.

S was nearly sick earlier but now has settled. This is such a hard day. Does w mean everything she says? I guess not. Will she ever change her mind? Who knows? I can only wait and see. That is the hardest thing. If I didn't see her so often it wouldn't be so difficult to detach, seeing her in these circumstances only makes thing worse.

...

Ok, back from hospital now. Overall impression, things didn't go too well but on the other hand I set in motion some 180s and set some boundaries.

To this point W must sense I have been 'hanging on'. For all my changes I've backslid the odd time and that seems to have left her thinking she is in control. Well, at the hospital earlier she asked to switch seats so she was nearer to son. I said no. She was only about 2ft away from him anyway. She said I was being horrible. To this point I have either dragged my feet or got upset over house sale and splitting possessions. Today, in a moment of irritation, I told her I was there to see my son and not to speak to her, and in a calm way I said 'I don't care now anyway, you can go to hell'. I said I was switching off the gas and electric for the house, and the water too. She seemed shocked by this latter thing.

What brought about me saying these things? Her acting like I'm some distant relative who gets to find things out at some later date. She didn't contact me all evening to say son was in hospital, only 7am this morning. In hospital she's acting like only she cares about son, knows what's wrong with him, and i should be grateful see even contacted me at all. She said she could have made me wait til visiting hours to go and see him.

Well, detaching just got a lot easier. She's acting like a self centred little kid, and honestly, right now I eouldnt want to be with her. She's not the woman I marries and fell in love with.

I'm thinking of telling her I'm moving on and won't be waiting around moping and pining for her. What do you think? It would be a massive 180, a little risky too I know. I feel as long as she thinks Im just holding out for her then she's in.control. I think full LRT mode is in order. Pick up/drop kids off at the door, have fun out with them a few evenings a week. Be upbeat and positive when I see her. Don't initiate conversation but be neigjbourly and do speak to her if she speaks to me. Act as if I'm getting on with my life, which to a fair degree I am. Dont inform her of what Im up to in my free time. Be mysterious. Leave hee to.imagine. wait and see what happens.