I thought everything was okay....(Part 4)

[MCS]

At my parents house this weekend with the kids. My mom had some surgery. Let W knew a couple weeks ago I was making the trip and the reason why, no asking before or a response on how things went, not like I expected anything.

Yesterday, W hit me with an email about the kids, nothing new. I saw her tone has changed back to cold and callous, no intro or signature, terse wording. We had a pretty big falling out last week based on trying to exchange kids. I was calm on this convo, but said some stuff that I can tell definitely stung, based on her responses. It wasn't anything angrily negative, but I can tell W knows I'm onto her struggles. She hit me back with some outlandish stuff.

So yesterday, I replied back to email, just reminding her I was planning on taking the kids on trip this weekend and all. I'm numb with her trying to get me spun up in front of her. I see I'm a lot more calm and collected. I think she's starting to see that I'm getting better and she's getting worse.

I'm worried about her, from an emotional state. I thought since our communications were getting better that her emotional state was improving, but we got hit back about 10 steps. I talked to MC early last week and he had some good words, but it's not comforting my general concern for her well being. He was a little upset because he said he could see the progress. I know it's set me back emotionally and I realize there's nothing I can do.

I made an appt with my L for May 1. I think that's my personal timeline to see if things get better. We have a year period before we can file (Aug. 13th) but I think if things aren't better, I'm going to put in formal separation papers. I really don't want to because W and I can't talk about anything and how I want to craft custody right now based on that will get W very mad. Its what I think is best for the kids at the moment and fair for them in what they need, but hopefully it will change in the next couple months.

Basically I laid it out to W last week, she needs to get healthy for the kids. She looked at me and (mind reading) I could tell she knew exactly what I meant. Her response to me right there confirmed it and she sent me something the next day that she's a d@mn good mother and then proceeded to tell me that this is all my fault.

I see that while I got upset on little things before, I'm no longer scared to analyze and hold strong on things I feel are best for the kids, even if it sends so much discord my way. I've accepted our M is dead, and no longer working to 'save' that by just going along with threats.

Emotionally, MCS is struggling still to let go, but I'm stronger and not nearly as afraid of the future.