What? I thought I had drawn this straight out of the "boundaries" section of the site here-- "when you X, I feel Y; therefore, if you continue to X, you can expect Z."
I thought the point of establishing a boundary was to place the responsibility of behavior onto the WW. I didn't say to her-- at least, not intentionally-- "please don't do this." What I believed I was saying was "you can do this, but realize that my withdrawal will be the consequence."
The first problem I had with 180 was that it was a complete lie; I could cut her off, but only sullenly, so she perceived that I was trying to game her and called me out. The second problem I had was that I couldn't present consistent behavior; I was making demands, and I was fine when those demands were met, but I could neither present a brave front when they weren't met nor find any reason to "enforce" them, so I'd either break down or roll over.
Maybe it's still because I walked ten miles today-- that was such a tonic; I've got to do it again next weekend-- but right now I feel calm and confident because I don't have to worry about her behavior. Either she'll stay within the boundary, and that will alleviate my stress, or she'll break the boundary, and I will not only unapologetically cut her off but have armor against her worrying me about it.
The main reason why this seems acceptable to me is that my goal right now is not to win her back or even to make her start missing and wanting me. My goal for this and the next few weeks is just to get the stress and agony of the A out of my mind and out of my body so that I can focus on my job hunt.
I mean, if I'm wrong, and I'm fooling myself to think that I'm not chasing and begging and pleading, then please someone fill me in on how I blew it in my attempt at setting a boundary.
