It has been about 6 months since I was here last. for the last 6 months my s and I gave just been living day to day. H stayed away a lot but when he was there he was hostile. About a month ago I was on the phone with my mom and h started yelling at me (who knows about what) and then started yelling at my mom. (She was freaked out) she head all my stories but just couldn't believe he was so different from the man she knew)
The next day my BIL said he was giving me money to get out. Found a small 2 bedroom and s and I are gone in a week.
Gave h 3 weeks notice. Even though for a year and a half he has been yelling at me to get our he now says I am a selfish b##ch for not giving him more notice.
He is moving in with OW.
Thought it was a good idea to come back here for support and advice as I negotiate the next leg of this journey.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
I'm so glad you are doing this. But be very very careful. Abusers often are the worst when you are moving out and they feel that they are losing control. If at any point you feel unsafe, leave and stay with friends or go to a shelter.
I just happened to check in and I'm glad to see you posted. I've been wondering about you. Ellie is right. Nothing is more important than your safety.
Focus on you and S. It will be okay. We are here for you. :-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thanks Kml... several others have also warned me to beware. So far he is just meaner. He has a new reason to hate me and validate what he thinks of me. It is amazing how he plays the victim. According to him EVERYONE knows what a horrible person I am.
Had a few good cries this week while packing and find old cards and letters from h and missing the person he used to be. The one who vehemently denies ever loving me.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Good to hear from you Julie! I think you made the right decision getting your own place. So many questions...has the harassment from OW stopped? Does H still say he is "gay" so he couldn't have been having a PA with OW? Have you had to call the police and keep that trail so you will have a better case? No matter the answers, be careful. Now that he sees he can't control you he may lash out even more. Please take care of yourself, Julie. I'm looking forward to reading that book and the happy ending!
He has a new reason to hate me and validate what he thinks of me. It is amazing how he plays the victim. According to him EVERYONE knows what a horrible person I am.
He's an alcoholic and an abuser. You're going to take HIS word for it? You've been a responsible spouse and mother, owned your own weaknesses, and tried to work on the marriage. You get a gold star. Just let any of his criticisms now roll of your back. This didn't happen because of anything you did or didn't do. It happened because of HIS issues.
Quote:
missing the person he used to be. The one who vehemently denies ever loving me.
You know this is not true, it's just his justification for his affair.
Let it go. You can have peace in your heart that you tried to save your marriage. You will be much healthier out of this abusive situation. Get an attorney and file for child support asap. Call the cops if he does anything threatening, in case you need to get a restraining order.
I know this feels awful, but it will get better - much better.
He has a new reason to hate me and validate what he thinks of me. It is amazing how he plays the victim. According to him EVERYONE knows what a horrible person I am.
He's an alcoholic and an abuser. You're going to take HIS word for it? You've been a responsible spouse and mother, owned your own weaknesses, and tried to work on the marriage. You get a gold star. Just let any of his criticisms now roll of your back. This didn't happen because of anything you did or didn't do. It happened because of HIS issues.
Quote:
missing the person he used to be. The one who vehemently denies ever loving me.
You know this is not true, it's just his justification for his affair.
Let it go. You can have peace in your heart that you tried to save your marriage. You will be much healthier out of this abusive situation. Get an attorney and file for child support asap. Call the cops if he does anything threatening, in case you need to get a restraining order.
I know this feels awful, but it will get better - much better.
