Don't see what I am about to say as opposition to some advice by others. I only want to ask you if it changes anything your W is doing?
And please, anyone reading this, I am not advocating any type of abuse. Let me just point out that I have read for years on this very board that no matter what the H did...it did not justify the W having an A. There were times that I wanted to challenge those statements, especially in the early years. I do remember making some pretty tart comments. But anyway, if that is true, then apply it in Joe's situation.
Let's say that the H was emotionally abusive. Let's say he was any type of abusvive. Does that give her a hall pass for verbal prostitution every night, and to sign up for dating sites and join chat rooms for singles? As a LBH so poignantly said years ago on a post to me, why not file for D before deciding to bring someone else into the M? If we start saying that a spouse can conduct themselves in these types of wayward behaviors b/c the jerk they are M to was abusive, we need to be ready for some heavy fallout.
I don't think for a minute that Cat was saying it excused Joe's W. I think maybe Joe took it the wrong way and it threw him into such emotional turmoil that he was ready to throw in the towel. He was so frustrated and second guessing how he responded to his W's actions he didn't know which way to turn but to give up. We see LBS's making mistakes every day, but let's keep our perspective.....and help Joe keep his by getting back to how his actions does not give her a free pass to have an A or sick phone sex.
Okay Joe?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
