It is really difficult when it comes to family traditions and holidays. I think this is one you will have to make the decision about. I could tell you the reason not to partake in the birthday festivities, where your WW is concerned. However, this should not be about her. Secretly, is it?

This is your son's BD, and you are the one who knows him and how much, or not so much, it would affect him if things were done differently. If he would be totally devastated that it could affect your R with him, then do what you need to do.

I will use this example to tell you to always check your heart and see how much you are doing for the sake of the kids........and how much is for your own sake. It is amazing the number of people who subconsciously, or maybe knowingly, use their kids as their excuse.

The other point I want to make is when the things such as this birthday arise, ask yourself if you would continue to hold to that family tradition if you and W were divorced and remarried to other spouses. If so, then carry on.

Really tough stuff. ((hugs))

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!