Hey, Matt. Thanks for the post and support! It certainly is weird how many similarities there are. It IS like they have been taken over by aliens or something!
Hey, Gwen. Thanks for dropping in. Hope you are well.
Jur- excellent points. Ones we try to figure out... but probably never will. And I agree, to me there are several indications that this is a real issue. Clearly, or we wouldn't all be here seeking the help we do.
Just an update:
Things are going OK. My brother invited me over yesterday after work for a happy hour of sorts. He works at the same place as me, but different building. We used to be in the same building. So we have mutual friends from work, which is cool. I forced myself to go. That's kind of where I am now. Forcing myself. Even if I decide to go, I usually end up talking myself out of it. Which isn't difficult. But as I was getting ready to leave, a friend stopped in on his way out to make sure I was going. He is always on my case about that stuff.
So I did. There were about 10 people there. I laughed a lot. Was more of myself. I am, by nature, an outgoing, extrovert. I do like to be around people. That's when I'm not in this.... whatever mode.... this is. One I am uncertain about.
But, we weren't there for too long. They had dinner plans for a fish fry (my brother, sil, and another couple).
I knew going home would be difficult. I was having a good time, then home, very early and alone. Now what? Kids were going to go off with friends. Now what? This house which is torn up. A constant reminder of what my life is. So, I watched a movie. My go-to these days.
When I woke up this morning, I had the usual emptiness... void.... alone-ness... lost feeling. But, when I was making my coffee, something dawned on me. I'm OK. I can be content with where I am right now. I don't have to look at it as I have. I mean... duh... I hear it all the time. And I know, the only way is up from this point. I have things to look forward to. Perhaps a change in my thinking will help with a change in my feelings.
I hope so!
On another note... xh is still getting under my skin. Albeit, it is less... but the mere thought of him makes my spine quiver.
A couple of days ago, he was late to p/u s18 for school. I got a call saying he was tardy. Must have had a rough morning with babies and toddlers... ugh. D14 was talking about xh yesterday. She said s18 had called him to see where he was and he said on xxx road (the road his house w hww is) and s18 replied, "You .......") Not sure exactly what, as d14 did not fill in the blank. Xh still lives under the guise that everything is the same with the kids. Does not say anything about his choices or what they are. But that's his deal. But, the kids are clearly confused, living in a little denial, and feeling, I think, like I did not too long ago.
Then d14 said she asked her cousin (who lives next door where xh had been staying... xh was in her room while she was staying in with her sisters) if xh was still staying there. (So sad she asks her cousin where her dad lives). C14 said no but he needs to move out bc its annoying.
Yesterday when I left for work, xh had his truck at bil. He may have been picking up things. I think he is slowly bringing things back to hww. I don't know. I don't want to know. I hate that I have to see it. D14 announced after work he was there again, but it was only for a few minutes. Must have picked up more stuff.
But, the part that get me. First, I was annoyed he was late for s18. It is literally the ONLY parenting that he does. Drives s18 two minutes to school. That is it. Not ONE other thing. And he is late, bc he is with the other ones. I know I shouldn't think too much about it. And I am not going to make anything of it, as long as it does not continue. But it is annoying. Just a little more salt on the wound.
Then, the other thing.. yesterday he was early. And since I wan't car pooling, I had left a little later. But, after I left, he came to my house to get s18 and came in the house! D14 told me this yesterday too. It was only for a second to tell s18 to hurry up (he could call his phone). But I told him specifically that he is not to step foot into this house. He would have never done that w me here. And I know he just wanted to peek in. Probably see what was the status on the kitchen or something. Maybe see about the electrical fire??????? Doubt it.
He also called d14 yesterday to see her plans for the weekend. D14 said she was busy. He asked her a million questions. Who is taking you? Who are you going with? Is so and so going to be there? They were questions which, in a round about way, would let him know what I was doing. That's what I think anyway. I could be wrong. But d14 said, "Why do you always call me to play 20 questions?"
Life would be easier if he lived further away. Honestly, he does not offer anything as far as parental support. He is a like an uncle who picks up the kids once in awhile to take them to the movies. That's it. And every encounter makes me anxious. It is getting a little better. But, it's annoying to deal with.
So... I got some good news at work about performance. That was good. And, last night, my friend sent me a text (the one who made sure I went to my b's house), "fyi, you're the $hit." It was silly, but it make me smile.
