Sorry to hear this Sherman, as my mother and daughter are both diagnosed bipolar.
I know for me personally the last thing I ever wanted was to marry someone bipolar. I didnt, but picked out someone depressed instead. I can also say, that after my mother divorced my father he did exactly the same thing.
So how does this relate to Sherman? You are here again after divorce number 1, like me what is the common denominator?
I think you need to take a hard look at yourself and YOUR choices. Mental illness is one tough disease to combat.
Do you think that running away is the best strategy?
One thing that sped up me marrying this woman (I was dating 4 of them at the same time) was that she got pregnant early when we were dating. So I married her. I can't say that it wouldn't have happened anyway, but that was definitely the catalyst. She wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant and the OBGYN thought she was going to get sued. I have a wonderful son that is full of life and makes everything around him fun. He's my priority.
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Do you think that running away is the best strategy?
Can you explain you question a little more? There's a lot of ways to interpret it.
I had my first session with the therapist yesterday and I brought up variations of your questions.
Another one was for as bad as it's been, why didn't I want to leave? The reasons to go on her list were long and the reasons to stay were VERY short.
I know I'm the common thread in all things in my life. In many aspects I married my mother and played my dads role.
After doing some reading, someone with bipolar disorder can hold together for 3 to 4 years and then it comes out. That's around when everything went south.
She's also a former stripper. With a strippers mindset. She very vindictive and controlling. It was more subtle at first but with my withdrawal of me by DBing, it really unsettled her.
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From Sandi.... In fact, b/c she feels loss of control, she will play a lot of games to get it back. She wants the security that was provided to her, but she doesn't want to give up the A to have it. That's her selfishness leading.
Last night in texts, she told me flat out that I'm to be in the house taking care of her for the next 6 months while she sets herself up financially and starts dating last night. That if I file then I'm doing it too soon for her and she'll bury me and take Sloan. There's a ton of other stuff there that is all about her controlling the situation. She's trying to use fear about my son and our "stuff" to keep me under her thumb. I could care less about the stuff. It could all go tomorrow as long as I have my son safe.
She was getting so angry last night that she was promising to do something big and I didn't feel safe leaving my son in the house. That's why I turned around. She didn't have me to attack, so she was using him as a proxy.
In recent history, she's gotten so angry that she's destroyed property. My son and I cleaned it up (hindsight I should have left it). A huge piece of me knew then where this was going to end up and instead of addressing it head on, I tried appeasement by DB - addressing her complaints in the marriage (which was and is a worthwhile goal) and this is where I'm at. Another statement she made is that as I got stronger, I trampled on her; which is spew I know, but the part I take out of it is that the changes were making her uncomfortable and insecure which she can't abide.
Every other aspect of my life I'm quite successful. In this area, I'm not even sure how to describe it yet. Most of the words that come to mind are negative. The biggest one is sad.
Last edited by Sherman333; 03/14/1511:59 AM.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
So this weekend has been a bunch of crazy texts all intended to inflict as much pain as possible on me and even some touching on how she's going to use S7 to hurt me too.
Having some separation from her has been SO beneficial for both my S7 and I. The first night we were at the BIL house, my son woke up a lot. Last night he slept the whole night. He even remarked about how well he slept.
I asked him if he hadn't been sleeping at our house and he said yes. That he has bad dreams about mom. That she's in his nightmares lately.
This whole thing is heart wrenching.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
She was getting so angry last night that she was promising to do something big and I didn't feel safe leaving my son in the house. That's why I turned around. She didn't have me to attack, so she was using him as a proxy.
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Having some separation from her has been SO beneficial for both my S7 and I. The first night we were at the BIL house, my son woke up a lot. Last night he slept the whole night. He even remarked about how well he slept.
I asked him if he hadn't been sleeping at our house and he said yes. That he has bad dreams about mom. That she's in his nightmares lately.
Given your strong concerns about the safety of the boys, combined with her temper and resentment of kids, I say take the boys and get the heck out of Dodge. This is plain scary! Your first priority is S7 and it is heartbreaking what he has already experienced.
It doesn't sound as if you did the baby any favors by marrying his mother. You weren't in love with her, and she obviously didn't want children. Some women are not natural-born little mothers nor make a good parent. The way you talk about your feelings toward her now........frankly, just doesn't sound like a hopeful situation.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm in complete agreement. She did try for a lot of years but she can't keep up the facade anymore.
She does desparatly want to cake-eat and date at the same time. She's even exprcting me to pay her a monthly stipend for her half of nothing. Only thing we have is a little equity in the house that is completely overshadowed by the debt (year 1 of the 4 way plan to pay it off). She's even left me in control of her paycheck but still wants to spend a lot of $ on clothes every week.
I started separating finances on Sat and I'll be talking with the lawyer tomorrow about filing. I'm also going to have our Foster son moved to another hiuse. I need a few days to prep the departure before she's served. I'm canceling Disney the same day. There's no way in hell I'm going to Disney with her. She still intends to start dating this coming weekend too.
When she's served I expect open war. I'm fighting for my son at this point and keep everything else.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
