Is it really to late? Who knows....

[lost18]

Still flip flopping all over the place as to whether I want to continue down this path. I listened to a podcast on when to give up which always helps. This is extremely difficult emotionally. There are practical, fear based reasons why I want to continue trying to save my marriage, but there are also aspirational reasons that keep me going down this path (even though I don't feel like I'm doing a great job at the DB thing...ugh!)

So this week I've started eating better again (my current weight really was a wake up call of sorts!) Ran with my friend twice this week, have done some yard work a few days, tried a new recipe (it was ok but won't cook it again). Took D13 and friend to movie, they saw SpongeBob I saw Still Alice (pretty depressing). D13 and I went to a state park and walked the trail and I took some pictures for my photography class (oh, went to class too!) and today I met a friend for lunch and walked out on the pier and finally played softball tonight. Not a bad week of GAL!

It's such and interesting dynamic between us. Again, we get along well, he's "sharing" things with me. When I got home tonight (he was on his phone texting) but he started telling me that he has been drinking "a lot" the past few days (which I have noticed) and then we went out to the garage and he showed me all the parts for his jeep that he painted and was filling me on that project. I think it's positive that he is sharing things with me, just like the other day when he learned his friend had died. BUT...he was going to bed and he gave D13 a hug, she then told him to give me a hug and commented that we never hug, he said we do sometimes and went toward "his" room, I jokingly said "he doesn't like me" they both made a comment and he went to bed. I see that as a negative....sigh!

Keep on keeping on.