Saw this and thought to myself..."oh boy...there goes another confused WAS." Sorry to read that you've been on the receiving end of his email.
I just got an email from H - various things about legal arrangements all fine. But.. *He's trying to get his life back on track *He needs to resolve what he must to move forward and be happy *He doesn't want to live in two places any more *He isnt good at resolving tough things and can let them build up *He doesn't think it's right for us to formally S and resolve finances without Divorcing *That would create a possible future problem - or at least perception of one *He is as lost now as ever he was in respect of relationships *There is no impending marriage but he just needs to know things are settled properly
Toots' Draft Response
Dear H, I'm so sorry that you feel your life has run off course. I truly only wish happiness for us both. I understand that you want to simplify your life and don't want to work and live in different places.
What I need to say is that I still love you, and I don't want us to divorce. I hope that our marriage can still be saved.
But there are honestly some things that would need to happen for me to feel safe, comfortable and consider getting back together again. I'm not sure if you're even interested or not, but if you are, we can discuss it. I didn't want the moment to pass without telling you this.
Of course you are free to make your own choices. I respect your wishes, and if you decide to file for divorce, I won't stand in your way.
Toots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In my mind, it is fine to validate H...BUT use this opportunity to spell out what H stands to lose by continuing with OW. Not in a big "f-you" way, but with a deft touch.
