Need Help!!!

[errod]

I am having problems in my head today. I have not had any contact with W so I have not done anything to do damage. I could not sleep at all last night. I did go to the Gym for and lift weights for over an hour but now I am home. I am going to study DR some more.

[errod]

I need a plan if anyone could give me any advice please do. I am meeting my W in about an hour to setup, load, and teach her how to run the books for our 2 businesses. This is very emotional for me because I took a lot of pride in them. I know I have to keep my emotions in.

I did just call my W and told asked what exactly does she expect me to teach her tonight. I wanted to be able to prepare myself so I can keep a level head and show how stable I can be while teaching her.

This is a huge test I am sure from her to see if I can keep it together and be strong. It is also an opportunity for me to show how strong I can be and lead.

Lastly I have an appointment with my divorce attorney on Tuesday morning. It is not something I want to do and I tried to wait until the final hour, but I do have to look out for myself as well.

[errod]

Well I went to W's and went over a lot of stuff with her for the businesses. We talked a little bit about her day. I played with the dogs. We laughed and talked while doing our work. I never brought up the R and never showed any emotion. I actually laughed and smiled the entire time. I was baited a couple of times but never bit. For example she was talking about the new bedroom set she wants to get down the road. I just smiled and said that sounds nice.

There was one thing that was weird. D14 was wearing a tank top and my W goes look at the abs on her. W then lifted her shirt to show her flat stomach, but no abs. I then lifted my shirt and it is the first time my W ever saw it but I developed abs again. She then made a smart comment under her breath.

D14 opened up to me today after picking her up from school. She said how she does want her parents together and she hates the way things are. I felt so bad because I want nothing more then to be a normal family again. She said she can't talk like this in front of W because whenever she says anything like this W flips out saying she is picking sides.

D14 then told me what I was doing wrong. She said it may be to late now but I chased to hard. She said nobody wants the needy guy. Even though I new this I was so impressed by my 14 year old saying this stuff.


Then as I was walking out the door she grabbed me and gave me a tight hug. She hasn't hugged me in a while. Now I do know it could very well her playing nice nice to use me to make this transition for her but I need to think positive.

My W is very smart hence why she is a dentist. But business is not her strength. It was very obvious I had her head spinning when I was going over everything. I am spitting out numbers off the top of my head quicker then she could enter it into a calculator. I also pointed out some the things I had worked out with companies. Like the bank waved all service charges for me, because I worked that out with the bank President. We only pay 1/2 price for our credit card scanner, because once again I negotiated that with the bank President.

So now I will continue to give space and see when I get a phone call or text. I am going to relax and watch some tv Tonight. Then tomorrow I need to go to Sams Club and the Gym. At least this time I can say we said good bye on good terms that has not happened often.

[PatientMan]

I am glad things went well for you - good job! In the future, your default plan ought to be living by sandi's 37 rules. If you get those down and into a habit then you are doing just about everything right. It is why I recommend them so much. Practice them all the time so when the time comes that you really need them, it's comes naturally for you.

So you chased too hard, huh? Remember: "Made a mistake? Move on." Keep going through posts like these until you are living that way without even thinking about it.

You can do this!

-Cool. Calm. Collected.
-Strong. Bold. Courageous.
-Patience!

-PM

[errod]

I just texted wife and told her I was swinging by to pick up our German Shepherd and going for a 10 mile run. I hope that doesn't make me seem needy or that I am not giving her space. But I miss my dog and I need to burn off some steam and I just want to hang out with him today. Don't forget I stayed home and took care of D14, House, and dogs. So I spent almost my entire day with my dog everyday. So I thing it will do me good mentally to spend afternoon with him.

Even though this is not my motive it also shows my W that I am not just home sitting on the couch moping all day.

[errod]

A little background on why I am in an apartment and she is in the house. Before we started having issues we were looking for a place to get a house built this is back in February. Then in April we went on a cruise at the same time I was negotiating everything with the new house. I was completely stressed out and negative. My W works very hard and because of how miserable I made that week she started thinking things. Well then we came back from vacation and I was all in on this house, plus at that time being on the board for my D14's track boosters. Note I do nothing half effort. So I spent every minute on those two projects.

My W was crying out for attention from me and I was not seeing that. So then in July she dropped the bomb on me that she was done. This is the exact story she has told me, my D, my mom and everyone else. She took it that I was doing these things to avoid being around her and that I was neglecting her and not, the way that I saw it that I was making our dreams come true.

So then in January the new house was done so W went to it. I couldn't afford it and really didn't have a leg to stand on. Since at that point the old house did not sell yet I didn't fight her on it thinking I would be a few weeks behind. We were hanging out everyday but I made the mistake of every single time that I said good bye telling her how much I loved and missed her. W then put a huge wall up around her heart.

No one expected that the old house was going to sell in 5 days after that. So I then had to get an apartment and couldn't have dogs. That is why she has the dogs.

[errod]

I don't know if its not just time to give up. After running 8 miles with our dog, I brought him back into her house. W was sitting there and she has an attitude. She goes we can't even be friends anymore. She accused me of driving by her house today because I was on that end of town this morning. I did not go anywhere near her house though. I went to the park that is 3 miles from her house.

Then she went on a rampage of things that she does not need to tell me anymore. She also said to clarify there is only one lady she has ever hung out with and they back and forth between each others house. She has this wall up against me saying that I was so controlling all during the marriage. That is the truth. That after being on her own she loves it. She said she can come and go as she wants, spends as she wants and so forth and so on. She told me that she has no feelings or love for me at all anymore. I then made my one mistake through the entire thing because everything else she said I just let her talk. I said I am going to leave now but I still Love You.

It goes to show that the goods are just to use me. Then I get crushed the next day.

[errod]

One last thing is she tells me lies and then gets mad at me. For example Thursday night she told me how tired she was and she was taking a bath and then going to bed. I sent her a text at 9:00 pertaining to our D14. I never brought up her not responding to my text. Well then today when yelling at me she says and you send texts at certain times to make sure I am home. I said we aren't together so why do you have to lie to me. Why can't you just say your going out. It's not like I can stop you. But honesty is very important.

[sandi2]

I don't know how to get it across to you. She is trying to give you all these reasons why she despises you, and to convince you that she would never go back to you........and you tell her you love her??? Obviously, you have no idea how big of a turn-off that is to a WW. She does not want you to love her, and she sure doesn't want to hear about it. Can you get that in your head?

If you had just left without saying ILY, it would have been fine. She is going to think and feel what she wants to think and feel. Your job is to have a nonchalant attitude about what she thought she saw and how awful her life was with you. But you do NOT tell a WW you love her after she says you make her sick and vomits in your face.

[errod]

I just keep falling for the trap. As soon as we have a good day, she baits me the next day. And the dummy I am I take it everytime.

I need to GAL I just don't know how. There is nothing to do in WV but I can't leave either because of D14.

Once I get through the weekend, I won't even have to stop and breathe this coming week. Monday Dr.s appointment, Gym, and office time at the new Real Estate office. Tuesday meet Divorce attorney, then I will hang out at the real estate office again plus gym. Weds -Sat away with D14's cheer squad watching a lot of basketball. Plus March Madness starts