Not sure if they have these in your jurisdiction, but what worked really well for me and the fetching Mrs. Starsky was to neither follow thru with our divorce, nor totally withdraw the action. Both of us seem to perform better with a bit of a "gun to our heads," and so we -- twice -- did a formal 3-month "stay" of the divorce action. It was sort of like a probation of sorts for us, and at first we even separated briefly and lived in two separate houses, but it was a great way for us to see if we could stave off divorce and work at the marriage while basically "dating" each other exclusively.
I'll be honest, I haven't really followed your sitch very closely at all, but your closing paragraph seems too strong and too pursuing to send to a guy who just two months ago was professing his love for his OW. His latest thoughts (in the bulleted post from you above) still seem pretty fogged out to me, and I'd treat VERY slowly if I were you.
If it were me (and it WAS me!) I would tell him something along the lines of "I don't want a divorce, and I've realized that I still love you, but there are honestly some things that would need to happen for me to feel safe and comfortable getting back together again. Not sure if you're even interested or not, but if you are, we can discuss. I didn't want the moment to pass without at least throwing it out there."
And some might say that even THAT is too much.
Your husband -- like a lot of wayward, walkaway and MLC men (and some women, too) on these forums -- still sounds like he he's very emotionally immature, and doesn't know WHAT he wants. He basically is WHINING at you ("I'm sooo unhappy, I don't know what I waaaaant") and not really saying anything definitive that would come anywhere CLOSE to a commitment.
In other words, he still sounds very BROKEN to me. I think it would be best if you two could live separated, agree to date each other exclusively (with him committing to NC with his OW, and be transparent with you!), for some period of time (3-6 mos?) to see how it goes.
